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Teen Poetry #9

Salty Oceans

Rosie_Orange
Junior Member

since 2009-04-20

Posts 46
South Africa

0 posted 2009-05-05 10:33 AM

A tear shed,
   for every moment of pain,
every word of hatred,
  every broken heart.
Snatched by strong emotions,
    pulled down a long face.
An ocean of salty, sweet tears
                                                collect at my feet.

Just.Another.Falling.Star
Member

since 2008-05-08

Posts 422
Canada

1 posted 2009-05-05 02:12 PM

i love this piece. there's just something about a short poem that sometimes has so much more meaning than a longer one.
i loved the description you used, and even just the positioning of where you put the words, everything worked really well.
great job, library for sure.

julianna

.:.:~]you clicked your heals and wished for me[~:.:.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

2 posted 2009-05-05 06:06 PM

lots of emotion in this, it really packs a punch! good...very good...and?

just in case it's real...

Rosie_Orange
Junior Member

since 2009-04-20

Posts 46
South Africa

3 posted 2009-05-06 01:40 PM

Thanks for the positive remarks and the 'air' hug!

moonbeam

Member Elite

since 2005-12-24

Posts 2356

4 posted 2009-05-09 11:07 AM

Hi Rosie

This has emotion yes, but I didn't think it was quite in the league of your other posts. The images in it have been quite well used by poets over the ages, and as a result lack originality and power.

You can write much better than this and it would be good to see more

.

I hope you take my comments positively because I mean them to help you improve.

All the best.

AgentP
New Member

since 2009-05-30

Posts 1

5 posted 2009-06-07 05:52 AM

HEY! im new on the forum

but wanted to say that I really like your piece

keep doin what you're doing

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