The Searchlight of the Sun

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Teen Poetry #9

The Searchlight of the Sun

Ri
Member

since 2008-02-01

Posts 67
Blackburn, England

0 posted 2009-03-21 10:03 AM

A being lies in a field of grey and green
The due smothered pasture brushing its hands
Overlooking such a splendorous scene
As the searchlight of the sun scans the lands

It wants to be found by the probing orb
Yet the breeze blows cloud billows to bring shade
And all the light in dreary dull absorbs
Whilst the wilting warmth begins to fade

Then the drizzle dampens its existence
but its hopes stay dry and persevering
the searchlight closer, yet still in the distance
The warmth of life’s love and light is nearing

Then the sun shines bright in such sweet galore
Yet shade prevails and the being feels no more

moonbeam

Member Elite

since 2005-12-24

Posts 2356

1 posted 2009-03-21 04:44 PM

Not a bad attempt at a sonnet Ri. It has a few problems, but nothing too serious. I'll try and get back later, unless my friend Grinch gets to it first. I think he likes sonnets.

M

Grinch
Member Elite

since 2005-12-31

Posts 2929
Whoville

2 posted 2009-03-21 07:19 PM

This is very good, mind you it’s bound to be, all the best poets come from Blackburn.

Dark Star
Member

since 2008-02-20

Posts 392
Lost in your eyes

3 posted 2009-03-22 07:54 PM

hope you find it, your light

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