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Teen Poetry #9
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Tell me you can't love me!
| Teen Poetry #9 |
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Tell me you can't love me! |
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freeand2sexy Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704CA, USA |
This is pretty much a vent that I finished writing just seconds ago. I wasn't trying to use a rhyming scheme, so some parts rhyme and some don't, I wasn't even trying to rhyme, it just came out the way it did. Also, I wasn't using any meter or anything else, sometimes when you feel like crying, you just have to let it all out on paper, without really thinking about stuff like that. You can critique it, but realize I just wrote whatever words that came out. There’s butterflies spinning in my head, They’re not in my stomach, And there are chains that bind me down, But they’re not what you expect. They’re golden, so beautiful, Heavy, but so graceful, Filled of gems, of all colors. (They mean everything, to me.) So tell me you love me, But tell me I’m not good enough, It ‘cause I’m falling, And can’t hold on, not long enough. I must be sick in my mind, To think love would want me With malfunctions deep inside. To assume love is coming. So tell me you love me, But tell me I’m not good enough. It’s 'cause I’m falling, Making your life, just too tough. The butterflies, sputter in my head. They’re not where they should be. The chains, they don’t come off. Instead they like to chafe me. But I know you see it, too, That I need someone to catch me And you want it to be you. We both do, but we know you can’t be. Tell me you loved me, But tell me it’s all, just not right. It’s 'cause I’m falling, Because I’m the one, who bleeds inside. Tell me you can’t love me, Because it was in our heads. In the end it was nothing, Nothing but pretends. Tell me you can’t love me, And I’ll tell you, I understand, And next time, I’ll listen to the chains, That binds my adolescent hands. No, I'm not conceited, 2sexy doesn't mean "too sexy", it means something else! |
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| © Copyright 2009 Christine Juarez - All Rights Reserved | |||
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prettypinkrebel Member
since 2007-11-07
Posts 104 |
I absolutely adore this. and can deffinetly relate!!! GREAT work |
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GothicCherry Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471TN |
Hmmm, I'm not sure I like this at all hun. No offense. Just didn't really strike me in any way. Vents don't have to though. Lol... I did like the first stanza. I guess it just gave me hope for the rest of it to be good and I was kind of let down. Don't let my opinions say anything to you. I'm a bit cooky this morning. |
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freeand2sexy Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704CA, USA |
Prettypinkrebel, thanks for your opinion and for letting me know you can relate, it makes everything I'm going through seem more real and a bit easier to get through. Michaela, thanks for your opinion as well, honesty means a lot to me. I wasn't expecting it to be good; I just wrote it to get my feelings out. I was hoping you would tell me why it wasn't good, though. Simply telling me you didn't like it, doesn't help at all. A hundred ppl can comment and say they didn't like it, but it doesn't help me if I don't know why. No, I'm not conceited, 2sexy doesn't mean "too sexy", it means something else! |
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GothicCherry Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471TN |
Honestly, I'm not sure I can tell you why at this moment. I'm losing myself so fast. Lines 1,6, and 10 made nice sense, between those it seemed like you were just throwing words in to try and get a point across but it never landed. Idk. I'm gone. Idk. Idk anything. |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
"I must be sick in my mind, To think love would want me" That was one of the other lines I really liked. It strikes me as really good and something I can relate to. But I have to agree with Michaela it just seemed like you were just filling in empty spaces with words. Just my two cents.  -Zach |
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