Teen Poetry #9 |
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Not What it Seems? |
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Clockwork_Orange Senior Member
since 2007-03-23
Posts 620Space Camp, IN ![]() |
i close my eyes and listen to the thump of my heart beating re-reading these notes for double meanings but its all here in black and white and your facade is running thin with every line i can see through your fallacies your imperfections are an infectous disease back away, back away this is not what it seems this is what makes your dreams interpret the insipid this person that i once called friend ~ you cant run from yourself ~ [This message has been edited by Clockwork_Orange (03-02-2009 10:14 PM).] |
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Falling rain![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
I sorta understood this.. but they ending through me off... The meaning at the end "your imperfections are an infectious disease back away, back away" I understood it as that you don't want to be imperfect? I might be miss-translating it but I don't know. I like your wording in your first stanza though. ![]() -Zach When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you. |
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freeand2sexy Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704CA, USA |
Hey Zach I think your "mis-translating" what it means, I think I understand it clearly. "your imperfections are an infectous disease back away, back away" These are actually my favorite lines, I really like this poem, and I can relate,too. With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life. |
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Falling rain![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
Oh! I got it now! Now that you added that last line it made much more sense. ![]() -Zach When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you. |
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Reborn_Phoenix Junior Member
since 2009-03-04
Posts 11 |
Very good write. It was well written with a few errors that could e fixed, mostly those of flow. If you just make it flow smoother then I think it can be a better poem than it already is. |
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stacylynn418 Junior Member
since 2009-03-06
Posts 40new york |
i think that this is very well writeen, and i actually think it flows nicely. good work |
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