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Teen Poetry #9
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The Last Chapter
| Teen Poetry #9 |
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The Last Chapter |
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JennJenn Junior Member
since 2009-02-18
Posts 20Canada |
This was written last week, It's being published but I'm comming to the last "stage" of editing. If anyone would like to crit or comment, you're more than welcome, and I could use it  Thanks so much!!The Last Chapter The story's been told The fight's been fought I've got to accept The things that I've got In the past two years I've come so far Driven down life's road In a broken-down car But the car, I’ve fixed The road, I’ve paved The experiences I had Will always be saved The scars have faded The band-aids are clear My arms hold a sign reading: “Nothing was here” Back in the day I was tired of trying I wasn’t okay And I wasn’t crying Two years later Baba’s moved on It’s a horrible fact But it’ll make us all strong So we’ll take our lives One step every day I’ll live like a fighter So the memories will stay Present day Friday I’m sat at a desk Typing my heart out To remember what’s best. And so, today, To tribute her fight My poem will affirm My future, my life |
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| © Copyright 2009 Jenn - All Rights Reserved | |||
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freeand2sexy Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704CA, USA |
um, I got lost in your poem and i don't think that's good. it flowed well, tho. And again add some imagery With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life. |
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JennJenn Junior Member
since 2009-02-18
Posts 20Canada |
It makes sense to me how you got lost. Now that I look over it, the only way for you to know what everything means and how it ties together is if you were connected with me for the past 2 years:P haha. Thanks. I think I need to start making my poetry more general. Could you help me out with the imagery a bit? |
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freeand2sexy Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704CA, USA |
yeah, you need to think of the reader, as well, and how they are going to understand it. With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life. |
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freeand2sexy Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704CA, USA |
oh and i'll be happy to help you, but keep in mind that i am also still learning |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
Yeah Christine's right. I do got lost in your words. Remember a poem is a story and although its expressing your feelings and experiences in it, you got to connect with the reader. So then the reader can, oh whats the word, empathizes and well connect. Its a good poem just you need to work on it. -Zach When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you. |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
And if you need help in imagery don't hesitate to ask. I've been told I'm good at it and I don't mind sharing thoughts. -Zach When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you. |
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Earl Robertson Senior Member
since 2008-01-21
Posts 753BC, Canada |
Welcome to PIP JennJenn!!  I didn't get lost, though I didn't know exactly what it's about, I mean that's what a poems for!! Good write! My melancholy is purely my own |
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JennJenn Junior Member
since 2009-02-18
Posts 20Canada |
Thanks for the ideas, guys It means a lot. |
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RevengeIsMine Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820Australia |
I don't know how you guys got lost.. I LOVED THIS!.. it's great to FINALLY read about people moving on and focusing on postives rather than negatives.. You did a great job JennJenn and i didnt get lost at all |
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JennJenn Junior Member
since 2009-02-18
Posts 20Canada |
Wow! thanks for that I really appreciate it. I've been trying so hard to write about positive stuff. The past 2 years has been all negative:P |
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JennJenn Junior Member
since 2009-02-18
Posts 20Canada |
oops, double posted. [This message has been edited by JennJenn (02-23-2009 10:38 AM).] |
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