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Teen Poetry #9
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War
| Teen Poetry #9 |
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War |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois 
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Here's another try at the pattern. The pattern is 7,7,7,7. I don't really like the ending too much but oh well.. The air remains in silence Forever holding its breath Snow falling like autumn leaves Standing in the sea of death Unmarked graves of the lost lives Catching the scent of deep fear Gun fire cutting the air The cold and broken lie here Dark tree's silhouette the sky Pure snow stained in scarlet red Vital sign growing so weak Another man laying dead Another soul flies on high Snow falls unto the soil He was just another man Caught within the turmoil |
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| © Copyright 2009 Zach Booker-Scott - All Rights Reserved | |||
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nina1522 Member
since 2009-02-14
Posts 189 |
i love this poem. i really like poetry about war issues. i believe there is so much to say. AWESOME poem |
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JennJenn Junior Member
since 2009-02-18
Posts 20Canada |
Great job! I really like this poem. It's very powerful  |
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freeand2sexy Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704CA, USA |
Wow, this was good, and the pattern was great, yet again! With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life. |
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GothicCherry Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471TN |
Is soil one syllable of two?? I don't know. Lol..Probably my accent messing me up on that word though. It tends to do that a lot. Lol.. I really like this poem. War isn't exactly my thing. You make it into nice poetry though. |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
I thought it was two. I said it as (soy-ill) so I counted two but I might be wrong. -Zach When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you. |
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freeand2sexy Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704CA, USA |
i think your right zach |
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freeand2sexy Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704CA, USA |
you know what I think soil can have either 1 or 2 syllables depending on how you pronounce it, so you and michaela I believe are both right With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life. |
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Octave Member
since 2008-07-29
Posts 186Highlands, Scotland. |
I liked this, you have some beautiful imagery going on in there. Dark tree's silhouette the sky Pure snow stained in scarlet red Vital sign growing so weak Another man laying dead This was my faouvrite stanza. Rymthm could of done with a little tweaking here or there. Or maybe i was just reading it wrong. Anyway, good stuff. |
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GothicCherry Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471TN |
Ahhhhh!!! I hate being from a hicktown! I say everything differently lol |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
Lol Don't worry Michaela! I live in central Illinois. We're known for not having good grammer. Its prolly why I can't get the whole stress idea. Ugh Oh well. I'll keep at it. Wishing best of luck! -Zach When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you. |
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freeand2sexy Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704CA, USA |
I'm sad to say I might have a slight advantage, since I'm from LA, but you guys are technically ahead of me by a year or 2. With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life. |
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GothicCherry Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471TN |
I don't get it. How are we ahead of her? && that's so not fair to us. This stuff is difficult for ppl with trouble even saying the words! lol |
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freeand2sexy Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704CA, USA |
You guys are ahead, because i'm learning this at 17, while you guys are learning at 15/16, I wish i was you guys, i wish i was learning this a year or two ago. With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life. |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
It really doesn't matter when you learn it. Its how you use it when learned. If that makes any sense. -Zach When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you. |
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