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Teen Poetry #9
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shattered glass (it sucks i know)
| Teen Poetry #9 |
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shattered glass (it sucks i know) |
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nina1522 Member
since 2009-02-14
Posts 189 |
TRUST ME I KNOW IT SUCKS !!! buts thats why im posting it. i need some help expanding this and i deff need critisicm. We are the brocken We are the shattered We are the neglected we are the unseen shadows in the dark corners We are the unrepairable pieces of your unused glass we are the ones who fill your empty frames lining your walls we are the unheard cries from behind your reflection we are the ones who surround you [This message has been edited by nina1522 (02-19-2009 09:36 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2009 nina1522 - All Rights Reserved | |||
Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
First thing check your spelling when typing.  Second thing, I loved this sentence. "we are the unheard cries from behind the reflection" Really like that. But what do you really need help with continuing? Its sorta your idea and your thoughts. That's just my two cents -Zach When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you. |
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nina1522 Member
since 2009-02-14
Posts 189 |
oops thanks zach, i suck at typing. but is it too short? |
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JennJenn Junior Member
since 2009-02-18
Posts 20Canada |
I really like the first bit where the words are seperated into kinda columns. I enjoy reading poetry with "different" format. |
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GothicCherry Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471TN |
I don't think it's too short at all. That's actually one of the things I like about it. I like short poetry though, so yeah it's just my opinion. |
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nina1522 Member
since 2009-02-14
Posts 189 |
thank you |
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pen&paper Senior Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 513 |
Don't doubt yourself! You truly are talented...you should start believing it. If I were to make any suggestions it would be to watch the rythym... take out or add some words. Maybe something like this: We are the broken We are the shattered We are the neglected we are the unseen shadows in dark corners We are the unrepairable pieces of your unused glass we are those who fill the empty frames lining your walls we are the unheard cries trapped behind your reflection we are the ones who surround you |
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