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Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

0 posted 2009-02-15 11:04 AM

just cut me deep
make a scar that lasts
so i can never
forget the past
so many months
of the same old thing
just broke us down
and now we're playing the blame game

these words are killing me
im falling apart and i know you can see
that i cant cope, no i cant breath
unless your here and i know you believe

the lipstick stains on the satin sheets
remind me of better weeks
where the sun could hide and maybe die
and we would laugh lying in the moonlight

but now this beds a stranger
without you here
and the nights are longer
my thoughts so unclear

im lost in a hell
made by two
this cigarette smoke
just reminds me of you

these words are killing me
just come home so that we can speak
i need you now, babe i need you right now
because im drowning in lonely

GothicCherry
Member

since 2008-09-16

Posts 471
TN

1 posted 2009-02-15 11:08 AM

*Cough! Cough!*

I got so wrapped up in it then it mentioned smoke and I could really imagine it. You put this piece together well.

nina1522
Member

since 2009-02-14

Posts 189

2 posted 2009-02-17 08:18 PM

great job. i really liked your poem. great imagery

rebelangelv
Senior Member

since 2007-05-28

Posts 538
usa

3 posted 2009-02-18 12:06 PM

this was amazing !!!

DD
needs a little work on the structure...changing back and forth makes it a little hard to flow.
but other than that, great job!!!

only a vampire can love you forever.
forbidden to remember, terrified to forget

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

4 posted 2009-02-18 06:01 AM

I loved it.. I always love it..

True Legend forever and always!

JennJenn
Junior Member

since 2009-02-18

Posts 20
Canada

5 posted 2009-02-18 07:59 PM

Wow, that's all I can really say. I can really connect with it, and I think it's a wonderful thing when the readers connect with what the writer is trying to portray