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Confused
| Teen Poetry #9 |
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Confused |
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GothicCherry Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471TN |
This makes absolutely no sense. I just got bored and thought I might as well post one of my scribblings. With the stress of life upon my shoulders And ambitions taking over It is hard to find a rest for breathing So now my freedom is wreathing I would like to know if the pattern is correct in this one. 10,8,10,8???? |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
Your pattern and counting is correct. I like this actually. Its a little too short for me but that's just me. I like it. Congrats you wrote a poem using meter!! Yay!!!!  -Zach When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you. |
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freeand2sexy Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704CA, USA |
um sorry to burst your bubble but your not quite using a meter just a pattern but its an awesome start!!! With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life. |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
Well you must have a pattern in meter right? So in a way she is using meter... right? -Zach When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you. |
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freeand2sexy Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704CA, USA |
no, i don't think so, we can ask moonbeam, tho With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life. |
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freeand2sexy Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704CA, USA |
Wait i think i see a meter, tho i think you messed up just a little bit. Hey could you show me where the stresses are if you were trying to use a meter With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life. [This message has been edited by freeand2sexy (02-18-2009 08:59 PM).] |
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nina1522 Member
since 2009-02-14
Posts 189 |
hey wuick question ive been trying to ask moonbeam a question but i havnt been able to find a way to contact him. so you know how ? |
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GothicCherry Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471TN |
Well, I didn't intend for it to have any meter. I was just venting a little and decided it had a pattern when I'd completed it. Will someone please show me the stresses in it? I have an idea, but I'm not exactly sure. |
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freeand2sexy Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704CA, USA |
With the STRESS of LIFE up ON my SHOUL ders And am BI tions TAK ing O ver It is HARD to FIND a REST for BREATH ing So NOW my FREE dom is WREATH ing It seems to be consistent till you get to the final line, then its off a bit. And I’m just curious, what did you mean in the last line “So now my freedom is wreathing” Not that its wrong, just want to know. But fix the final line so it's the same as the others and the poem will flow much better. With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life. |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Only just seen this. Christine is broadly right. The poem is primarily trochaic DUM da, with a few bumps here and there especially the last line. Zach, you really really need to forget the idea that METER is simply about counting syllables. Meter depends on the sound properties words, principaly the stress of their syllables. In order to understand meter you HAVE to be able to hear the emphasis on the various syllables. Think of it as a drummer in a band. If he just beat out exactly the same intensity and length of beat each time he hit the drum there would be no pattern or variation just a dum dum dum dum. But he doesn't he beats out dum da duuum daaa da da dum duuum da da. Hence you get a tune! Words are the same. Just as not every drum beat is equal so not every syllable is equal. Try going around saying various multi syllable words out loud till you start to hear which part of the word you emphasise and which you don't. |
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GothicCherry Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471TN |
Ummm, another quick question... Are there words that could be stressed and unstressed at different times? |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Michaela Check out this: /pip/Forum108/HTML/000178-2.html#27 |
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