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Teen Poetry #9
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inevitable emotions
| Teen Poetry #9 |
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inevitable emotions |
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nina1522 Member
since 2009-02-14
Posts 189 |
im still new to this whole poetry thing. no one has read any of my poetry before this website so im would love some tips and critisicm, i need all the help i can get.With all my heart,THANK YOU. unspoken anger pulses through my body, foriegn thoughts fill my head entangling me in confusion. Involuntary actions leak out of my closed mouth and pores. i know it weak and not that good. So please be honest and just tell me what i need to do.  |
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freeand2sexy Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704CA, USA |
I was reading another poem you posted as well and i absolutely love your word choice. You should work on your stucture, tho. With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life. |
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nina1522 Member
since 2009-02-14
Posts 189 |
thank you very much. honestly tho i have no idea how or what good structure is. i just wrote whaqt i thought and guessed where to end the lines. haha. any pointers? |
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freeand2sexy Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704CA, USA |
Hey if you need any help i could help you, or there's plenty of people on Pip that wouldn't mind helping you as well. send me an email if you want. With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life. |
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GothicCherry Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471TN |
Follow Christine's advice on the structure part. She has a good idea to how to fix a poem. Structure does need some work and some stronger thoughts would help a bit too I do believe. That's just my opinion though. |
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nina1522 Member
since 2009-02-14
Posts 189 |
if you were going to structure this poem, how would you (gothcherry) go about doing this? |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
"Structure refers to several poetic elements. The line is one of the basic building blocks of poems. How you organize your lines, how your strophes look (if they're stanzaic or 'freeform'), all of this goes to structure. In addition, how your poem proceeds from its beginning to its end--its twists, turns and tangents--also has to do with structure." That's what structure is basically. Just sorta the story line and how you tell your poem (or story) I like your choice of words in this. But like everyone else said structure is off. Keep trying!! -Zach When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you. |
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JennJenn Junior Member
since 2009-02-18
Posts 20Canada |
Other than the structural aspects, as the others have said, i really like this |
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nina1522 Member
since 2009-02-14
Posts 189 |
thank you very much for clarifing that zach. im actually going to revise this and attempt to put it into a better structure. |
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