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Teen Poetry #9
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Shadows (A attempt of trying out meter)
| Teen Poetry #9 |
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Shadows (A attempt of trying out meter) |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois 
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So I tried using the meter thing. Well I was actually using syllables and trying to make an even flow to it. What do you guys think? Shadows The silent is whispered through the leaves In darkness it hinders awkward ease The shadows reach out their ghost-like hands Spreading fear through-out the land Its chilling as it stretch its claws Abiding to the secret laws It strikes fear in fearless eyes Baffles even the noble and wise Holding fear of the unknown That feeling you get when you're alone Hidden terror within the black A sense of no turning back |
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| © Copyright 2009 Zach Booker-Scott - All Rights Reserved | |||
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freeand2sexy Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704CA, USA |
okay, starting with having the right amount of syllables is a good place to start, at least thats my opinion. okay so this is what i got the # of syllables in each line and stanza 1st stanza- 9,9,9,7 2nd- 8,8,7,9 3rd- 7,9,8,7 do you see the problem, theres no consistency or pattern this is a really good start. just keep at it. try a short poem with all nine syllables, or a pattern like, 8,9,8,9 or what ever you want to come up with With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life. |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
Yeah. That's what I feared what happened. Oh well. I'll just keep on trying. Thanks for reading. -Zach When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you. |
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nina1522 Member
since 2009-02-14
Posts 189 |
i dont know what the meter thing is but i love this poem. Awesome job |
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Suncleaver Member
since 2009-01-18
Posts 481Stafford England |
The imagery was supernally powerful Zach, but like freeand2sexy mentioned, there needs to be a consistent pattern of syllables within each stanza. I like 8,7,8,7 as a pattern for an individual stanza, but I often mess it up once I get past three or four stanzas. Never sigh for a better world, it's already composed, played and told. |
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Suncleaver Member
since 2009-01-18
Posts 481Stafford England |
8,6,8,6 is easier. Grab a thesaurus and try writing a couple of things in that meter. I wrote one in that pattern 'Blood and Stone' I think I called it, but I can't seem to find it anywhere... It goes: Da-dum, Da-dum, Da-dum, Da-dum, Da-dum, Da-dum, Da-dum, (Pause) Da-dum, Da-dum, Da-dum, Da-dum Da-dum, Da-dum, Da-dum. (pause) Speak it out loud and say the pauses in your head. Never sigh for a better world, it's already composed, played and told. |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
Yeah consistence is lacking in this poem. Gotta go find that thesaurus and dust it off. hahaha. 8,6,8,6 pattern is easy but knowing me I'm gonna do an 8,9,8,9. I tend to use a lot of describing in my work. But I'll give it a try. -Zach When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you. |
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freeand2sexy Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704CA, USA |
hey zach try a 10,8,10,8 so that you still have the right number of Da-dums, so like this Da-dum, Da-dum, Da-dum, Da-dum, Da-dum Da-dum, Da-dum, Da-dum, Da-dum, (Pause) Da-dum, Da-dum, Da-dum, Da-dum, Da-dum Da-dum, Da-dum, Da-dum. Da-dum, (pause) With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life. |
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JennJenn Junior Member
since 2009-02-18
Posts 20Canada |
I really liked this  |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
Thank you |
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