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Teen Poetry #9
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freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704
CA, USA

0 posted 2009-02-11 07:28 PM



I’ve been walking through this narrow cave
Hollow, darkness roams through the damp air
I wonder is this where I should stay
To live without tender loving care

Is this my escape or is this home
Is this my fate, where I’m meant to be
Where I overcome my fears, alone
And live through my own insanity

This could be all mine, right where I stand
A place to leave my old life behind
I’ll finally find out who I am
In this lonesome cave I’ll have my time

I sit in the dark stillness of day
Crying painful tears I cannot see
The consequence of running away
Once thinking that this would set me free

Now I wonder why the ground must shake
Or why fear fills my body and soul
I start running but then hit the brakes
Realizing I’m stuck in my own home

Were rocks of my dwelling meant to fall
To suffocate me here where I lay
Hidden from the world behind a wall
Left to die with a sense of dismay

Now how could anyone rescue me
Stuck as I’m gasping for life and air
Till the final moment that I breathe
I’ll question if anyone will care

That this, my own home, is now my grave



With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

[This message has been edited by freeand2sexy (02-11-2009 09:48 PM).]

© Copyright 2009 Christine Juarez - All Rights Reserved
Assassin_of_Verse
Member
since 2007-10-23
Posts 330
that So Cal
1 posted 2009-02-12 02:17 AM


At first, I felt confusion emanating from ur words. The decision seems to be looming over ur head, like the clouds we've been having lately. Although it was subtle, I really liked the anxiety that replaced the confusion, and then the horror that followed.
Lol, I'm deeply afraid of being alone, so ur poem really struck a chord. :]

There is power in the pen.

stil_watrs_run_deep
Junior Member
since 2008-01-05
Posts 14
missouri
2 posted 2009-02-12 05:11 PM


i really enjoyed your poem =]
i could actually feel the emotion that you put into it!

GothicCherry
Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471
TN
3 posted 2009-02-15 10:58 AM


Love it!! Wonderful metaphors. You painted it well and kept me intrigued
freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704
CA, USA
4 posted 2009-02-15 06:44 PM


thank you guys, it actually isn't as good as it could be, i had to fix it and take out the cliches, the poem i reposted in critcal analysis is slightly better, but only slightly.

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

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