I Cannot Love You Anymore - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Teen Poetry #9

I Cannot Love You Anymore

rebelangelv
Senior Member

since 2007-05-28

Posts 538
usa

0 posted 2009-02-07 04:56 PM

There’s something that I need to say
Please don’t turn your eyes away
Listen good and listen well
For this is something hard to tell
I cannot love you anymore
My heart is broken and thoroughly tore
It gets harder day by day
To see you love, then walk away
It hurts when you’re gone
I feel as if I did something wrong
But when you’re near, I remember times past
The reasons why our love couldn’t last
I have thought this through
And the problem is you
But whether here or there
It hurts so much because I care
Therefore the solution is me
I must now let my heart be free
So, goodbye love, I leave you now
We’ll move on and survive somehow

only a vampire can love you forever.
forbidden to remember, terrified to forget

rebelangelv
Senior Member

since 2007-05-28

Posts 538
usa

1 posted 2009-02-07 04:59 PM

hey guys, this is kinda just a rough draft so please help me out. there are a lot of lines that i really don't like, so any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. thanks guys!

only a vampire can love you forever.
forbidden to remember, terrified to forget

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

2 posted 2009-02-07 05:32 PM

I like this a lot. I know how the feeling is.

"I must now let my heart be free"
That line was off. I think it should be "Please set my heart free". What do you think?

I think its pretty good over all.

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you.

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

3 posted 2009-02-08 10:19 PM

I really liked this, probably because i can relate, but i have to disgree with Zach, i don't think you should change the 18th line. That part sounds good to me, but i guess that's jus my opinion.

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

rebelangelv
Senior Member

since 2007-05-28

Posts 538
usa

4 posted 2009-02-09 08:49 PM

thanks u guys

i kinda like that line too but ill look into it. thanks again

only a vampire can love you forever.
forbidden to remember, terrified to forget

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.