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Teen Poetry #9
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Paradox (A poem for the anniversery of my friend's death)
| Teen Poetry #9 |
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Paradox (A poem for the anniversery of my friend's death) |
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Jaki H Member
since 2008-01-19
Posts 232NJ, USA |
My friend died exactly one year ago, on january fifth, 2010. She was only 18, and was hit by a car. This is a poem for her. Honest opinions please. I wrote it quickly, but I would like to know of any weak spots or what you thought in general. Thanks! xoxo, Jaki H --------------------------------------- Paradox. ---------- No matter what- rich, poor, genius, not, people long for what they can�t have. This paradox seems all too funny. Only a year since your death, and we still Cry because you�ve left us, because you�ll never return Because you�re dead, and here we are, still breathing and living and dreaming of a better tomorrow. Our lamentations are a symphony of sorrow and remembrance, each year growing more ritualistic. I bet you�re in heaven, laughing at our foolishness I bet you�re crying with shaking laughter at the bitter irony of it all because you see what we see, but in reverse we, who want so bad for you to come back, and you, peering at us foolish. if you could reach down, touch us with hands sending shivers up our backs, you would lean close and whisper it is us who are mistaken, and heaven is wonderful. We should join you up there with angels and soft dew drops, there, where each cloud has a shining silver lining Why suffer, why feel empty, why long for death yet fear it so? why live on pills, with empty promises that a swallow will solve the misery? You know it won�t, and if it does, it�s just until the next swallow. Why live living on swallows, when heaven is just a car crash away? Only a year since your death, and here I am, deathly alive Only a year since your death, and there you are, my little rotting angel It�s funny, this paradox, that you should be wanted on earth, and us longed for in heaven. That both want What we can�t have. |
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| © Copyright 2011 Jacqueline M. H. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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XGarapanX Senior Member
since 2008-06-19
Posts 1435Antarctica |
Wowzers. This really touched my soul. No doubt in my mind that you have got this right as far as your perception of the parties in paradox. Mechanically, I would recommend at least one small change- No matter what- rich, poor, genius, not, people long for what they can’t have. This paradox seems all too "funny". I would find a better word to replace funny if it were mine. And I'm told that contractions are distractions in poetry as well. But overall I can't help but love this tribute and appreciate it's implications. Definitely one for my library. Thank you for giving us this piece of yourself. ·´~`·»Garapan«·´~`· "Look! Crumbs on his jacketses... Heeee took it!" |
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khadidja Junior Member
since 2010-12-03
Posts 16 |
Im so sorry for ur lost so deep but I think u should work on a little on it keep going |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Poems are only allowed to be posted in one forum at a time. This is also posted in Open. |
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