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animecrazy71
Junior Member

since 2010-10-01

Posts 16
Pakistan

0 posted 2010-10-31 09:33 PM

Relentlessly, my heart beats fast,
Is it a phobia?,
This feeling, I get gazing upon you,
No, its euphoria,

Forever, I want it to last,
This experience, so bright,
If beauty is a shining star,
Then, you are its light,

My life's darkness, you, so easily illuminate,
With just a smile,
Gazing, how long has it been?,
I believe, quite a while,

No longer, I can wait,
for you, to be mine,
No one comes close,
To your unrivaled shine,

From you, all that I covet,
One, single, look,
To read my emotions,
I am an open book,

Keep you happy, I shall, everlastingly, you bet,
Forever and ever,
Please be my shining star, in this dark sky,
Forever and ever,

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

1 posted 2010-11-07 03:41 PM

I like this poem, for constructive critique, i would suggest reading over it, stanza by stanza and working on the flow. make your lines the same or close to the same syllable count, it makes the rhyme scheme smoother. but i really love the concept of this poem and hope to read more soon

Krysti

animecrazy71
Junior Member

since 2010-10-01

Posts 16
Pakistan

2 posted 2010-11-08 01:28 AM

Thank You.....and i was thinking the same thing yesterday....i think ill change a few lines, just to smoothen the flow.....Thanks

Check out my Poetry Blog for interesting Poems on http://arslan-poetry-blog.blogspot.com

XGarapanX
Senior Member

since 2008-06-19

Posts 1435
Antarctica

3 posted 2011-01-05 09:39 PM

Sweet.

·´~`·»Garapan«·´~`· "Look! Crumbs on his jacketses... Heeee took it!"

*tori_rose*
Junior Member

since 2010-10-12

Posts 44
Weber City, VA

4 posted 2011-01-10 12:17 PM

i like it :P its good keep it up

~*tori*~

animecrazy71
Junior Member

since 2010-10-01

Posts 16
Pakistan

5 posted 2011-01-10 12:34 PM

Thank You....you can check out my blog for more poems of mine =)

Check out my Poetry Blog for interesting Poems on http://arslan-poetry-blog.blogspot.com

HolsJoscelyne
Junior Member

since 2011-04-05

Posts 23
Colchester, United Kingdom

6 posted 2011-04-05 02:44 PM

this is a great poem!
I think I wanted to write one that was similar or perhaps thought of a past lover as a shining star.

suggestion change you are 'its light' to 'the light' ?

Good luck and well done!

HolsJoscelyne
Junior Member

since 2011-04-05

Posts 23
Colchester, United Kingdom

7 posted 2011-04-05 02:44 PM

this is a great poem!
I think I wanted to write one that was similar or perhaps thought of a past lover as a shining star.

suggestion change you are 'its light' to 'the light' ?

Good luck and well done!

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