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Teen Poetry #9

Ready to walk away!

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

0 posted 2010-03-27 05:53 PM

I was bored so I decided to revise an old poem

So here is my revision of I'm ready to walk away /pip/Forum108/HTML/000380.html

I'm sick of the arrogance
In your snarling voice.
Oh, those words that boil as you speak
It makes me feel
Like your sweat,
Your mucus,
Your uncontrollable stink,

Like rain
That slips into the gutters
Forgotten,
Again and again,

But I'm ready to walk away
From all this hate
That lives within.

'Cause now, I've had it!

With the way your nights
Zip up my days
How your leaves
Are snarled in my rake
With old snow
Frozen deep within my throat

Oh, I've never been so ready
To walk away.

“All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling.”--Oscar Wilde

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

1 posted 2010-03-27 06:11 PM

Wow this one is wayyy better then the version you had before. Congrats on becoming a great poet.

Keep it up.

-Zach

Wish I could find love.. But all I find these days are superficial fish in shallow waters.

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

2 posted 2010-03-27 08:19 PM

Thanks, Zach!!!

“All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling.”--Oscar Wilde

Taylor See
Member

since 2008-10-07

Posts 55
North Carolina, US

3 posted 2010-03-29 10:21 AM

I love this poem and the way it flows, as well as the great use of interesting images.

My favorite part:

With the way your nights
Zip up my days
How your leaves
Are snarled in my rake
With old snow
Frozen deep within my throat

Great read, great poet!

And as each player moves their piece, confident and tall
They forget that they can move themselves, in the greatest game of all

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

4 posted 2010-03-29 11:30 AM

Thanks!!!

“All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling.”--Oscar Wilde

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