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Teen Poetry #9

Unanswered Questions

the_inner_me11
Junior Member

since 2009-05-12

Posts 15

0 posted 2010-02-01 10:35 PM

So I haven't written in a while, but I'd love to know what you think.(:

When I need you near, your never here.
When I want you close, your farther than most.
How can I tell you I'm breaking apart?
How can I show you when you weren't here from the start?
Why cant you hear the struggle in my voice?
Why cant you notice the pain behind each choice?
What can I say to make you see?
What can I do so you'll know to help me?

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

1 posted 2010-02-02 07:56 PM

I really like this for its flow and wording. Good job

BrittanyJ
Member

since 2007-06-03

Posts 461
Come find me?

2 posted 2010-03-02 03:41 PM

"When I want you close, your farther than most."

This line could use a little work. The rhyme seemed a little forced. But otherwise i love this! Good write

Do you really love me? Or should i just let go now??

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