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Dark Poetry #5
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Your Broken
| Dark Poetry #5 |
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Your Broken |
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voice2bheard Senior Member
since 2007-10-19
Posts 591New York |
I need you severly right now But your broken I could use your help so much this instant But your broken I didnt realize how much you helped me But now your broken I wish I treated you better And of course your broken Why do all the bad things happen to me? Guess it doesnt matter now, cause your broken We've done great things together But people will never know, now that your broken You always went everywhere with me But now you won't, cause your broken I regret not treating you better in my life Yet you wont see another day, because your broken Things will never be the same anymore They never were anyway, but now there broken I'm not like others, thats why you were in my life But now your gone, again your broken Another thing gone wrong in my life Couldn't I have just one thing go right? My life is lossed, just an ongoing curse Next thing I know, I'll be the one hurt From my life to yours, never stolen You wont take my apology You'll forever remain Broken Kate |
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| © Copyright 2012 Kate - All Rights Reserved | |||
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voice2bheard Senior Member
since 2007-10-19
Posts 591New York |
Just let me know what you think it is? Or if its even great? I haven't really written much in forever!! Kate |
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maddorani Member
since 2007-11-18
Posts 423houston,tx |
i really enjoyed it but instead of lossed it should be lost and lossed is not a word  hope that helps. i loved it |
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voice2bheard Senior Member
since 2007-10-19
Posts 591New York |
well thats the way i saw it i didnt exactly want it to say "lost" i wanted it like "loss" w/the "ED" whether its a word or not? To me I thought it looked better and its my writing regardless of how words are "meant to be spelled" you know what I mean?! But thanks!! Kate_Mcfee (Lily's Mom) |
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byski Member
since 2006-01-26
Posts 235Alberta, Canada |
Yeah, lossed kind of stuck out for me as well. But I think I do see what you are getting at with it. I did like finding 'broken' scattered around the text, kind of like it slapped you in the face each time you saw it. Two thoughts; whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I was broken and in a weird way am glad I was. Makes it easier to get along and such. The second is the question 'why me?' left me to thinking. If we are writing this about a broken friend, why are we thinking about ourselves being victimized? Not sure if you meant it that way, but I could ponder that moot point all night. |
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voice2bheard Senior Member
since 2007-10-19
Posts 591New York |
Thank you, well this poem is meant to be taken any way that reader finds themself once broken at a time! Kate |
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maddorani1991 Junior Member
since 2013-03-21
Posts 20 |
nice write you should check out my stuff. my original user name was maddorani but not anymore. |
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Walter Poe Senior Member
since 1999-10-13
Posts 787 |
Well hate to be picky but 'you're broken' not 'your broken' |
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devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
Love the tear-drop effect this has taken in form "My life is lossed, just an ongoing curse Next thing I know, I'll be the one hurt" ~outstanding truth and flow here! I relate to any & all "brokens".. this, no exception. be wellz, enjoyed ~d "..But a tyrant spell has bound me, |
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