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Dark Poetry #5
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can't you see
| Dark Poetry #5 |
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can't you see |
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maddorani Member
since 2007-11-18
Posts 423houston,tx |
Can’t you see how my image is distorted? Can’t you see how my body is in shambles? Can’t you see how my body and soul are shattered? And I’m just living my life in pieces- As I walk around the neighborhood I see everything black and white. As I walk around the neighborhood People stay away from me as if I’m some kind of despicable, contaminated, Abhorrent creature. As I walk around the neighborhood My body is a mess and it’s prickling With thorns hurting and tormenting me. As I walk around the neighborhood Both of my courage and hope are Shattered no one willing to save me. No matter how much I wait. No matter how much I crave. No matter how much I hanker. As I walk around the neighborhood I see everything fragmented, and Defective just like the mirror Everything is in pieces Everything is vague and nebulous Including me. No one can see these because These things are within my self And I fabricated everything that’s Just like a lie |
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| © Copyright 2011 madiha - All Rights Reserved | |||
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LaGraceLa Member
since 2011-01-30
Posts 243Minnesota, USA |
Wow, this is really good! Your writing just gets better and better, amazing job! |
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maddorani Member
since 2007-11-18
Posts 423houston,tx |
thanks  i have a question how can you tell when someone is getting better |
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LaGraceLa Member
since 2011-01-30
Posts 243Minnesota, USA |
Well you can see new ideas, and the writer begins to play with the meaning a little bit more. The poems start to flow better and fit together more clearly. There is more interesting diction along with better imagery. Poets, and artists of any kind, can grow in many different ways and these are just a few of the more simple ways in which they improve. |
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maddorani Member
since 2007-11-18
Posts 423houston,tx |
i came up with this when i listened to a line in the song in my language which meant living in pieces and i wanted to comeup with a poem like tht so i came up with this one you should read my betrayal one |
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priyanka Member
since 2009-06-15
Posts 216india |
There is this poem of yours which speaks about how you are now set free- freedom. I like to compare both of them and say you were troubled and now you have reached freedom! bravo!! |
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priyanka Member
since 2009-06-15
Posts 216india |
I see this diffeence because in both you have described your neighbourhood and when I compare I know- You have grown! |
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maddorani Member
since 2007-11-18
Posts 423houston,tx |
thank you |
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