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Dark Poetry #5

Stripping Down

Laverne Pacquire
Member

since 2009-11-15

Posts 96

0 posted 2010-04-25 07:20 PM

Stripping down -whose flowers are stoning me;
Emerging as an assaultive kiss;
I fall from sea to shore with tied wrists;
Cold star in heaven, fall falling from the sky;
Make the sea - open gently divide the night in miles wide;
Move with clouds and silence be the change within the wind;
Rush this dream - to sleep and sleep - I touch - the feel of sin.

easy1
Senior Member

since 2010-05-22

Posts 1209
Southeastern USA

1 posted 2010-05-28 01:08 PM

Please rewrite the last line, thank you. I only suggest this because the rest of it is so very good. I like the occasional repetition for meter's (and vocalizing's) sake, too. It is a good technique in moderation imho.

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