Dark Poetry #5 |
Tear-stained, Bloody Valentine |
UNTAMEDelegance Member
since 2009-05-30
Posts 222Oregon |
Here, my love, a valentine. I'll paint it black and red. The color of my heartbeat when you tore it into shreds. Then threw the pieces on the floor and left me there to die. Fragile, broken, pitiful, A teardrop in my eye. A bloody, sad reminder falling down my face. A single bloody teardrop seals my fall from grace. Softly, gently, tenderly, my heart-shreds find my view. Harshly, cruelly, painfully, I know that it was you. You took me, loved me, comforted, and kissed the shattered frame. That ship has sailed; never again, I can't relive the pain. You took me, loved me, then you left, leaving nothing here. For you, my dear, were everything except this bloody tear. The only thing that I have left, when you left me behind. The only thing to shelter me as you invade my mind. So here, my love, a valentine. Make sure you keep it good. It's made with all that I have left; this single tear of blood. [This message has been edited by UNTAMEDelegance (02-16-2010 11:05 AM).] |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
I like it. It was good. But a bit lengthy of a read. "Then threw the pieces on the floor and left me there to die. Fragile, broken, pitiful, A teardrop in my eye." - This is probably my favorite stanza. "That ship has flown; never again," -This bothered me reading. Since ship's don't fly. Lol But I understood your meaning. Maybe work on metaphors? Over-all I thought it was pretty good. |
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UNTAMEDelegance Member
since 2009-05-30
Posts 222Oregon |
Thanks! I knew it sounded wrong, but I couldn't think of the right metaphor, so I just went with the thing that came to mind. Your comment made me think about it and I was able to recall which one was right!!! Yay! ~UNTAMEDelegance |
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