REALITY SAD, comment please

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dazzlingprecious
New Member

since 2010-02-10

Posts 9

0 posted 2010-02-14 11:23 AM

Burning.
Hurting.
Sleeping on the ground.
Screaming loud.
Silent, bleeding sound.

Selfish society.
Complicated reality.
Aking to find your imperfection.
Ugly side of your reflection.

Invisible,evil magic.
Usual, but unwaited tragic.

Again she fails in trust.
Cleaning off her innocent dust.
Again she feels miserable.
No one adorable.

It's persecuting.
And never leaving.

She are always wishing.
Forever dreaming.

HE ASKED: WHY ?
SHE SAID: GOODBYE !

In dreams you are safe.
Be the one who blame.
Be the one who breeth.
Be the one who leave.
Be the one who lead.

Fade to secret place.
With undiscovered grace.

No more sadness
No madness.

Until morning
When they start sorting
Pushing you away
No matter if you wanted to stay.

Because you are different.
More independent.
From no one dependent.
UNIQUE.
Iam really sorry about grammar mistakes, Iam not a American, or Brit and English is my second. SO IAM SORRY. HOPE YOU WILL UNDERSTOOD IT, LIKE I DO.

wolfy09
Member

since 2008-06-10

Posts 93

1 posted 2010-03-01 11:01 PM

wow i love this poem i felt the rhyming was great as well. especially if english was your second language just makes it even more amazing!

what was your first language if you dont my me asking?

Trapped - Nothing
Member

since 2010-04-25

Posts 52

2 posted 2010-04-26 11:04 AM

This poem is uninspiring. The vision is limited. The emotions undeveloped.

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

3 posted 2010-04-26 05:17 PM

If English is your second language, certainly you have no need to apologize. Your poem was very clear and concise and got right to the point. Well done.

XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 891
Neverland

4 posted 2010-05-03 07:22 PM

Good write! I liked it a lot. The flow was great.

I'm going to put this in my library.

{~~*~~}

(Trapped - Nothing, maybe this poem wasn't meant to inspire you. Sometimes people just need to be heard.)

EmilyTheStrange
{~~*~~}
I have a pet unicorn...his name is Flavius, as in Flavius Belby. Flavius does not like gumballs..

Pixie Wales
Junior Member

since 2010-07-29

Posts 21
UK

5 posted 2010-08-03 12:55 PM

I really like this poem too and am amazed that English is your second language. I know many people, who only speak English and would never be able to write anything anywhere near as good as this!

Well done! I look forward to reading more of your work

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