navwin » Main Forums » Dark Poetry #5 » My Monster and Me
Dark Poetry #5
Post A Reply Post New Topic My Monster and Me Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
UNTAMEDelegance
Member
since 2009-05-30
Posts 222
Oregon

0 posted 2009-11-09 01:01 AM


My monster and me.
My monster; the past.
The future; me,
but that's not what
everyone sees.

In their eyes I am
no one; that's me.
Monster, different;
thorn in their side;
cursed lament.

When I sit
and stare,
they don't see me
and I don't care.
I gave up hope
that they would see
the difference
between
my monster
and me.

My monster
wants blood.
To make them pay
for trespasses;
unfading scars
that never heal.

I'll always be
that monster to them.
I'm marked;
branded
with the title
Monster.

The future; me
just wants
acceptance;
to know that they
won't
turn away;
won't shun

It's hard to live,
to think, let live;
to stop the blood
I want.

It's difficult
to live; let live;
no hurt; no blood
when you
and the monster
...
are one.

© Copyright 2009 Melissa ReneĆ© Axtell - All Rights Reserved
MorningStar
Member
since 2009-10-26
Posts 290
Pittsburgh, Pa
1 posted 2009-11-26 08:46 PM


Wow.  I get it.  I mean I really understand exactly what your saying.  Thank you for sharing this.  

Aenea

If I don't say it...who will?

Stitches
Member
since 2009-11-27
Posts 159
United Kingdom
2 posted 2009-11-28 07:55 AM


Wow.

I empathize.

'I feel like an animal, and I don't think that I get it. But one day I'll see you around.'

QuietAstronomer
Junior Member
since 2009-12-13
Posts 18
North Carolina, USA
3 posted 2009-12-13 10:01 PM


You have captured well the struggle so many feel.
Well written.
Thank you for sharing.

QA

m48
Member
since 2009-12-02
Posts 108

4 posted 2009-12-15 03:51 PM


totally able to realate to this.i liked to read this.
Father
Member
since 2009-12-15
Posts 58
Confusion
5 posted 2009-12-15 07:48 PM


Interesting form that seems to fit in quite nicely with the subject matter. Thank you for sharing.
noman
Junior Member
since 2009-12-26
Posts 18

6 posted 2009-12-27 10:22 PM


I agree, an interesting post.  A good read.
fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

7 posted 2009-12-28 01:17 AM


Interesting poem about the dark side of humanity.  I appreciated the way you broke the dichotomy between the characters "my monster" and "me" with the stanza:

It's hard to live,
to think, let live;
to stop the blood
I want.

and arguably this one:

My monster
wants blood.
To make them pay
for trespasses;
unfading scars
that never heal.

The monster seems comes out both as the dark side of the speaker and in aspects of the speaker's reaction to others' laments about the monster.  

Still, it would have been nice to add a bit more lines blurring the distinction between the monster and the speaker.  Of course now I'm just philosophizing a bit too much.

Thanks for sharing.


th1nktw1ce
Junior Member
since 2009-07-13
Posts 24

8 posted 2010-01-04 11:41 PM


I liked this alot.
UNTAMEDelegance
Member
since 2009-05-30
Posts 222
Oregon
9 posted 2010-03-17 02:17 PM


fractal007,
I thought about what you said about adding more about the distinction between the monster and me blurring, but one of the key points that I was trying to make was the desire to distinguish myself from my monster and become a separate identity. I tried showing this and the struggle it takes to constantly separate myself in the fact that only a few are blurred, as if from a slip in control. Thank you for your thoughts!
                            ~UNTAMEDelegance

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and lose that it's weird.

Trapped - Nothing
Member
since 2010-04-25
Posts 52

10 posted 2010-04-26 11:01 AM


FRANKINSTEIN!!!!!!
DRACULA!


Monsters are so real to many people.

VelvetVampress
Junior Member
since 2010-04-24
Posts 26

11 posted 2010-04-27 03:54 AM


woah...you did really good and im glad to have read it... and i can relate
littlemonster
Junior Member
since 2010-05-06
Posts 39
UK
12 posted 2010-05-06 04:19 AM


I think most people will recognise the monster we try to distance ourself from and yet remains a part of us.

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Main Forums » Dark Poetry #5 » My Monster and Me

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary