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Dark Poetry #5

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wolfy09
Member

since 2008-06-10

Posts 93

0 posted 2009-04-20 01:24 AM

*note* this is my first poem ive posted and i would like some notes on how to improve thanks*

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I see you
You see me
Alone i stand
under a nearby tree
I look so sad
You look full of glee
I see you
And you saw me

wolfy09
Member

since 2008-06-10

Posts 93

1 posted 2009-04-20 01:26 AM

i have quite a few poems but i thought this was an ok one to post first.

Rex
Member

since 2000-06-29

Posts 482
Houston, Texas

2 posted 2009-04-20 11:18 AM

Dear wolfy09:
This was a nice first effort but it lacks a point. Essentially it says the two of you
saw each other but that's all. I would suggest that you browse the forums to see what style of poetry you like and see the points others are making with their poetry.

Also take advantage of the learning forums. Just keep at it and it will come to you.

Best of luck.

JenniferMaxwell

Member Elite

since 2006-09-14

Posts 2423

3 posted 2009-04-20 11:43 AM

Congratulations on your first poem and welcome to the Dark forum!

wolfy09
Member

since 2008-06-10

Posts 93

4 posted 2009-04-20 07:56 PM

thanks for the tips and i do agree that it lacks a point i have a lot of poems that i just jot down. thank you again for the tips

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