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Dark Poetry #5
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Through Bloodied Waters
| Dark Poetry #5 |
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Through Bloodied Waters |
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Suncleaver Member
since 2009-01-18
Posts 481Stafford England 
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Through bloodied waters cold and deep Where the dead tormented sleep, In bitter watch of blackest night I press on by candlelight. Broken headstones engraved with strife Shattered monuments of life Lie testament to futile fates And show men their doom awaits. Open graves await the unborn, Roses lie where lovers mourn, I read the words: 'Death, cursed be' 'Leave the one I love, take me'. Shades flicker through the chilling mist Mourning soul mates they once kissed And lay entwined with whilst alive, Parted by the reaper's scythe. A tomb looms of unyielding stone. House of saintly ash and bone Alone I kneel forlorn, bereft 'Give my lover back her breath!' Never sigh for a better world, it's already composed, played and told. |
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| © Copyright 2009 Luke Doubtfire - All Rights Reserved | |||
Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
Chillingly good work you have here Luke. -Zach When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you. |
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Just.Another.Falling.Star Member
since 2008-05-08
Posts 422Canada |
wow Luke, this is absolutly amazing. i love it. great rhyming scheme. library. ?ul!@nn@ |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
the rhythm is fantastic  the flow is smooth... very nice, enjoyed this very much "I read the words: 'Death, cursed be' 'Leave the one I love, take me'" |
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Quail New Member
since 2009-02-22
Posts 9 |
Nice it has good feel to it and the whole thing flows very nicely, great! |
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RevengeIsMine Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820Australia |
WOW.. I love this. Amazing write... |
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Eirian Member
since 2009-04-13
Posts 70 |
I can almost feel your pain. Beautiful words. |
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Dog Junior Member
since 2009-04-09
Posts 48England |
wow that was a journey worth taking, darkness rife, regardless a great read and very well written. |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
A very fine piece of writing! Your rhymes are not the least bit forced and it's easy to see with a little bit of work, meter would be easy for you. Just a suggestion - for a little help with meter check out the Poetry Workshop forum here on PiP. Balladeer posts exercises to work on and gives lots of pointers and wonderful advice. He's a master of the craft! |
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Rex Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 482Houston, Texas |
Enjoyed this very much as I have been where you are. Good work. |
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Def-init Member
since 2008-12-03
Posts 186Toronto, Canada |
"Open graves await the unborn, Roses lie where lovers mourn, I read the words: 'Death, cursed be' 'Leave the one I love, take me'. Shades flicker through the chilling mist Mourning soul mates they once kissed And lay entwined with whilst alive, Parted by the reaper's scythe." Very chilling words indeed. A powerful read. Very nice. It has been awhile since I have read anything by you Cleaver. I hope all is well on your end bro. Hope to read more from you in the future. - If I cant bend Heaven, I shall move Hell - |
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youhurtmeagain New Member
since 2009-04-23
Posts 9 |
I love it... |
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LaGraceLa Member
since 2011-01-30
Posts 243Minnesota, USA |
I had shivers up and down my arms and spine, amazing job. I love it. |
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incwrite Member
since 2010-12-31
Posts 55new york |
nice work..flows very smoothly |
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