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Dark Poetry #5
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Lost and Alone
| Dark Poetry #5 |
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Lost and Alone |
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XxForever.BrokenxX Senior Member
since 2008-01-20
Posts 891Neverland 
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Stepping out from the world, and telling all who see. Looking around with open eyes, while gazing out at the sea. Who will remember? What can educe my forgotten cries? A story for the lost, a rhyme for the found. A memory for a girl, A simple little sound, My cries cannot be heard, The wind is still too strong, I’ll die here tonight, I know I can’t go on. The story was no good, The rhyme was lost at sea, The memory was shattered, So now, it’s just me. [alone in this world] {~~*~~} Emmalee Janelle |
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| © Copyright 2009 Emmalee Yuri - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Suncleaver Member
since 2009-01-18
Posts 481Stafford England |
A beautiful yet soul tearing write Emilee. But you'll never be alone in this world as long as you have the beauty of the words in your heart to share. Never sigh for a better world, it's already composed, played and told. |
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XxForever.BrokenxX Senior Member
since 2008-01-20
Posts 891Neverland |
thank you. And that may be true..but what kind of company are words and feelings that you already know? I appreciate you reading. {~~*~~} Emmalee Janelle |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
Emily.... We all have to fight off loneliness. In different way's that only our self's can understand. But I'll always be here to prop you up when you fall over.  Keep fighting Em's -Zach When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you. |
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Quail New Member
since 2009-02-22
Posts 9 |
Wow...that was awesome I really like the part about the rhyme being lost at sea that was awesome....! |
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greytree Junior Member
since 2009-02-24
Posts 45Wales |
Nice imagery! Keep floating, the shore is never too far. In such an ugly time, beauty is the real protest |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
not to sound condescending, cause I do not mean it that way...its the age. It's such a hard time I remember feeling so lost and alone. It does get better and this btw is an excellent poem! |
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RevengeIsMine Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820Australia |
AMAZING.. I think you blew my socks off |
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pandabear Junior Member
since 2009-03-08
Posts 36 |
REALLY GOOD!!!!! |
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illusiveangel Member
since 2007-10-22
Posts 72Liverpool, UK |
This was so very beautiful yet so deeply sad. Like even the eliments don't care.... It made me think. Lots. Illusive x |
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Fizzle Junior Member
since 2009-03-21
Posts 38 |
I enjoyed the imagery especially your use of sea imagery. I'm a sucker for the sea. |
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midnightdreamer Member
since 2008-02-03
Posts 309Roy,ut |
being alone is bad. but being alone and being afraid of it is worse. at least u got the guts to stand it. She past you, but doesn't notice you. |
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pandabear Junior Member
since 2009-03-08
Posts 36 |
The story was no good, The rhyme was lost at sea, The memory was shattered, So now, it’s just me. wow -kara |
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waycrazy New Member
since 2009-04-06
Posts 5SD, USA |
Lovely poem. ^.^ I have times when I feel like that. I really just wanna curl up and sulk at the world, but my friends are just to bright and cheery, they usually manage to pull me out of it. Which is kind of annoying, because I write best in that state. XD I love the imagery, I can really see things as you say them. I wish I could write with as much skill as you've got, but I'm still only developing. Continue to write, you're amazing! |
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XxForever.BrokenxX Senior Member
since 2008-01-20
Posts 891Neverland |
awe, thanx. And i know what you mean about the whole friends thing...ha it can get annoying sometimes. But i guess i love them anyway. Thanks for reading. {~~*~~} Emmalee Janelle |
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Bob K Member Elite
since 2007-11-03
Posts 4208 |
Dear EJ, Thanks for the poem and for the sincerity of the effort, which seemed real and clear. I was struck by the actual grown up poetic canniness in your question/comment: quote: I thought that you deserved the kind of an answer that I try to give somebody that I was trying to help revise and come to grips with those sorts of feelings as an adult poet. I do this only because you've asked a question that deserves to be taken seriously as a poetic question and not simply as an emotional question about loneliness, which we all face, sometimes more effectively than others. You should of course talk about your feelings all you want. I wanted to talked about the poetry of your question, which may be different. The answer to your question is that words and feelings that you already know really aren't very much help at all for a poet. The problem is that very few poets actually ever get smart enough about themselves, as you have at what seems to be a youngish age, to understand that they haven't dared to surprise themselves or anybody else very much at all. And they haven't, like you have, gotten to the point where they've gotten brave enough to become annoyed about it. You are actually at quite a good point to be at in terms of your awareness as a writer. You know you already know the words and feelings that you're writing down and you don't like that feeling. I say bravo for you! I say you're at a very good place for a young writer to be. Want a suggestion? I'll offer the silly thing anyway, but I thought I'd ask to be polite. Take another poem of your, not this one, but one that you feel is also a poem that you already know the words and feelings to. I don't want to mess with this one, because it's endearing in its way, and if you want to try this as an experiment with it later, then go ahead, but don't start there. It's sort of nice the way it is. Go over that other poem line by line and turn it around. Make it as much the complete opposite of what you've got down there as you can. If you start out with a line like It was spring and everybody hated me then try to turn it around as completely as possible, but put as many solid objects and things in it as possible, just scramble it up — Instead if "it," try "you", instead of "was" try "will be," instead of "spring," try "grapefruit," and keep going from there. You might end up with something like You will be grapefruit, though nobody with envy you. And the odds are that there won't be a word or a feeling in that line that you already know. By the time you finish re-writing your entire poem, it will have more surprises than a warehouse full of Crackerjacks. You'll have to revise to make sure it reads smoothly and makes more sense, but you'll be surprising yourself with what you discover. That's not a bad thing to do with your writing either, is it? Yours, Bob Kaven |
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Ethernaut Junior Member
since 2009-04-07
Posts 31NT, Australia |
Life is all too often empty and full of regret. Sometimes it seems as if we are without companions. If death comes to either of us, it will cause pain to those around us who 'do' care, though we may know it not. This is my anchor, for to cause others pain is the worst I could do. Even though I know you only through this poem. I will remember. Which is not to say I do not love your poem, for I do, as well as the imagery of the sea. Beauty can be found in all places, even within the darkness of the soul. [This message has been edited by Ethernaut (04-07-2009 11:15 AM).] |
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XxForever.BrokenxX Senior Member
since 2008-01-20
Posts 891Neverland |
Thank you Bob for that suggestion. I think i might just try it and see what i come up with. And thank you for the explanation behind it. And thank you Ethernaut for both what you said, and just for reading. {~~*~~} Emmalee Janelle |
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Eirian Member
since 2009-04-13
Posts 70 |
beautiful imagery. I love the way it flows |
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wolfy09 Member
since 2008-06-10
Posts 93 |
LOVED it!!!!!!!!! <3 |
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Rocheal Junior Member
since 2009-03-15
Posts 25 |
Awesome imagery-- I loved reading every line of it. Great work. |
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XxForever.BrokenxX Senior Member
since 2008-01-20
Posts 891Neverland |
Thanks, I'm happy to hear it. {~~*~~} Lacrimosa Dies Illa |
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