Ok...so I watched this show and thought I could write a poem about it, most of you probably haven't ever seen it so it won't make sense, but just in case, I'd like to share a laugh with you who do.

What's on the dockett today? What shall we be writing on the clear board with pastel ink markers?

Give me something juicy.

Make us laugh.

Show us the past celebraties and how they aren't fairing very well. Show us singers who are past their prime, wearing spandex, knee high socks and go go boots in the middle of summer. Show us a peek or two of some hot celebrity's breats falling out of her dress. Show us a reporter who got punched in the face, or had hot coffee splashed on him.

Show us the anger that the people we look up to portray.

Show us how stupid some of the actresses can be.
Show us pictures of their worse days, in their bathing suits that show too much baggy skin and celulite. Give us some hope that these people that we see on tv are screw ups just like us. They get drunk, fall off the curve in front of cameras too! They wear see-through clothing to gain attention and try to ignore the nice, persistent camera men who are just trying to get one glimpse of them!
Bring in the money, just show me your face, baby!

Let's gather around in front of the board, sit in your rolly chairs with tall, styrofoam coffee cups in one hand, your dirt in the other.

Tell us what we need to hear, in just that half-hour.

Let's hear the overvoice of the woman making fun of the celebrities, throwing up funny pictures and clips from past movies that hardly have relevence to the segment mentioned. Let's hear the male overvoice and his sarcastic tones.

Make people not want to turn the channel to a news station.

Act like you don't remember the famous singers from twenty years before half of the TMZ crew were born, make the people who remember then feel old.
Entertain.

Entertain, that's the basics of what we do. We investigate the rumors, we confirm if they are real or false-if the people would just talk to us!
Make the people who are watching jealous.

Because they can't be on our show.

Because we can't make fun of them for having more money than us, because people don't crawl over themselves with mircophones and camera equiptment for just one picture or statement.

Make them jealous of us, because we get closer to the stars than any of them could.

Because, baby, in the end "I'm a lawyer" in puppit form with my head slack to the side, a beer in one hand and the credits for a mugshot in the other.

"I'm a lawyer!"