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Sunday
| Open Poetry #41 |
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Sunday |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan 
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. The wind Comes down hard From dull gray skies Rows of sparrows Under wooden eaves And I can already feel The leaves Begin to change In the long cold August rain . |
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| © Copyright 2007 John Pawlik - All Rights Reserved | |||
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Yep, I can feel it too! |
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TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
so quiet were those magpies. enjoyed the poem of the cold wind. enjoyed as always Tomtoo |
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secondhanddreampoet Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394a 'Universalist' ! |
EXCELLENT impressionistic minimalism!... I particularly LOVE: "I can already feel The leaves Begin to change In the long cold August rain(!)" (one tiny point...I'm just not sure of the need for the word 'And' in this fine poem?!) Major (sustained) applause!! |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan |
Thank you all. SHDP, I knew “And” might be a problem yet I kept it for the internal rhyme: “And I can” , as well as the suggestion that something. feelings and wordless thoughts between the second and third stanza were going on which I could have suggested by “. . .” after the second stanza or a double space after the second stanza which would have taken as an error. I wanted a certain poignancy of growing old in this. "In the long cold August rain" alludes to a poem by Ariwara no Narihira, and "wooden eaves" is a personal allusion. Thanks all again, John |
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