Open Poetry #41 |
Living a Lie |
illusiveangel Member
since 2007-10-22
Posts 72Liverpool, UK |
Living a Lie. Layered around me, protective smiles; As a world does never see, Laughter dancing her way ever through my life; But still inside, I m never free. Plastic faces, that greet me in the cold of morn, With, “Hi, how are you?, ‘I’m dying’ I’m, screaming for someone to make it all stop, My eyes reflect back a woman who’s trying; To make the blackness leave her be; And ‘God, I’m calling you, can’t you see?’ I’m begging you please, make it go away, Cause I just can’t fight this another day. Pills cry out to me; ‘You’d be at peace’ Black corridors of my mind lend no retreat, I breathe, I inhale, I reach……….. Hands unsteady, ‘maybe I’m not ready’, Images flooding my mind, my children, my little boy, His five year-old life. Is my need to end my pain, Greater than my love for him? Still distant voices scream from within; “You will always be an abused child. It will never leave you, not in this life”; and still no one sees’ a million tears I have cried. I’m not strong enough to make it go away; it’s there, mocking me, taunting me every day; but that’s what you get for being a ‘bad’ kid. And still, tiny me, screams out Mummy, “please let me be!” I still fear the dark and the bad things that come; And Mummy’s anger, when she’s drunk too much. I still am the child, with the old-fashioned clothes, But if they saw me now, they’d never know. I still feel her pull me from my bed, at nights, As a five year old child, I’m screaming inside, “Mummy please, I’m too little to fight!” She looks through me Vacantly, with venomous eyes; if love is pain then I Wished I would die. It remains my secret evermore, what Mummy did, And I’m not sure, that I can ever be free from this pain, Cause when I look in that mirror, I’m a child again, I can never really smile at the world; the reason being; I was an abused little girl. |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Dear Illusiveangel, what an impressive flow of touching words. This hurts and makes me want to reach out with a big hug. May these powerful expressions start the healing where it is needed. Love, Margherita |
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Klassy Lassy Member Elite
since 2005-06-28
Posts 2187Oregon |
Fear is a hard, hard emotion to release even when the logic of consciousness says the danger is past. Turning to things which feed your spirit is the only way I know to lose the focus on such a dark cloud in the past, of being caught in a storm and thinking its devastation is your fault. Where there is love, there is light, and a little boy walks in it, too, waiting to show you its wonders. I hope you will find a way to lay the past to rest and let your heart be blessed. There are wings around you. ~ K |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Nice expression of emotions...James |
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Roniece Dawson-Bruce Member Ascendant
since 2000-01-29
Posts 5689Sydney, Australia |
very powerful write.. RDB... my hugs are sent to you xxx Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight......... |
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illusiveangel Member
since 2007-10-22
Posts 72Liverpool, UK |
To all who have posted replies to my work, I would like to say, thank you so much for your touching words, they really mean a lot. Many of us know how important, having the freedom of expression can be, espeailly in times of crisis and although I am new to this place, I find it truly invaluable in being able to discuss thoughts and feelings I can share in no other place. Thank you all again, Love and Peace Illusive xxx |
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