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Open Poetry #40
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no clue about poetry, give me feed back on this please!
| Open Poetry #40 |
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no clue about poetry, give me feed back on this please! |
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RGK New Member
since 2007-07-13
Posts 2 |
hi people this is pretty random for me im not poet but when somethings bothering me i just get pen and paper and words just flow.. i really dont care if anyone says its hopeless i just want some opinions from u guys, what yous think. this ones untitled but i wrote it a few nights ago when my girlfriend of 4 years and i pretty much, but not officially, broke up.. umm and yeah any replies would be very appreciated, this is about all i have keeping my sane at the moment ahha. It’s been a while since I cried But today a special part of me died The one who I adore and love Might not be there for me to hug Soaked with all this hurt and pain Drowned by tears falling like rain Will my love stay with me, Or is this how it was meant to be? What went wrong has got me confused Sitting here, what should I do? Get the phone and message you? I thought our love was something true After all the things that you said I can’t help but feel I was mislead I’ve given up my heart and soul Now all that’s left is an empty hole “I love you but I don’t know” The first signs began to show Your love for me no longer glows Instead further away it grows “I need some time” were the words Suddenly the truth occurred My vision then began to blur What I’d realized had me disturbed In my mind I put together The one I love, she can do better Find someone who is free of sin There goes me, she’s fallen for him One thing that I don’t understand Could you really call someone else your man? Kiss his lips, hold his hand? I would be no longer part of your plans Ill admit that I knew all along But refused to believe there was something wrong As I write these words I listen to our song Looking at pictures from times now gone The sad thing is that we can’t choose Who we love and who we lose But the one thing I can guarantee No one will love you more than me.... THE END Once again any comments what so ever would really mean a lot to me... thank you |
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| © Copyright 2007 RGK - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Having some experience in this subject...but not an expert...here are my thoughts... All relationships have a beginning, an embrace, and an end. So long as two are willing the relationship can continue...when one decides to bail out it is a rough time...but also a time for reflection and a learning experience...no one likes to lose someone they care for...but it happens...indeed it happens...James |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Welcome to Passions. You dismiss your talents and gifts far too fast poet. ..."The sad thing is that we can’t choose Who we love and who we lose But the one thing I can guarantee No one will love you more than me...." The simplicity, clarity and strength of your words conveyed deep emotions in your write. Great job with that. Meter, cadence and flow were all very good. The fact that you write during those powerful surges of emotion indicate to me a natural art.  |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
you're pretty good at this poetry thing welcome to our forums I hope you keep writing it out...it always helps good stuff here...I loved reading |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Have to agree with the above, I see a lot of po[e]tentially pleasing poetry stemming from your pen... Please, check your Email for a very Special Greeting! " It matters not this distance now " Excerpt, Yesterday's Love |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
You possess the most important ingredient for writing poetry. Your words come from the heart and will touch many people who read it Any poem that touches a chord in someone's heart is good poetry You touched me Liz |
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HopeS Member Elite
since 2000-12-22
Posts 4596Perth Western Australia |
This was so touching and heartfelt , I agree with the others and keep writing its good therapy Hope |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Hi, RGK! Welcome aboard the pip ship! Only a true poet will feel the compulsion to express himself when he is welling up with emotion. ~ and might I add, that your first poem illustrates to, not only me, but to the other readers as well, that you have a talent for writing poetry!  They say that every cloud has a silver lining. Perhaps the silver lining to your current love situation, is the discovery that you truly have the soul of a poet. Giving you a warm, welcoming hug, Earth Angel  |
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