Conflicts on Wings and Other Things (Tanka String)

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JLHunter
Senior Member

since 2006-10-08

Posts 557
CA United States

0 posted 2007-07-10 12:26 PM

Conflicts on Wings and Other Things
(Tanka String)

A lone, clear sound stirs.
The silence bursts with wing beats
as a dove rises.
The single, white form circles
the blood-red ground of the land.

Unfazed, a hawk swoops
from its higher vantage point,
the dove unaware.
White feathers turn red and fall,
lighting on the blood-red ground.

The hawk, with its prize,
soars to its aerie on high.
The wind sighs sorrow;
with its eternal vision,
thus has life ever been so.

The wind soon turns cold,
chilling and congealing
the blood on the ground.
Now-brown feathers blow away,
carried by a sad zephyr.

Slowly, the blood fades;
soon it must be replenished.
Warm winds still madden
with the cries of the soulless,
seeking a place of repose.

Souls in torment cry,
nearing the sacred, damp ground,
as the skies darken.
Blooded Hounds of Hell draw near,
their sense of smell, exquisite.

The crimson ground bleeds,
as drops of a cleansing rain
erase the madness.
The Hounds return whence they came,
braying, finding no purchase.

Life and death birth fire
--souls and hearts in fierce battle--
in Nature's true way.
Brooding Hawks and wary Doves,
alike, seek their true calling.

Today, Hawks triumphed,
tomorrow, Doves will prevail;
Earth pays no favors.
As blood courses through their veins,
so do Fortunes ebb and flow.

Now, soft silence falls,
the sun slips the horizon
and nightfall claims all.
Wing-ed* creatures now at rest,
envision battles to come.
*A convention used to convey two syllables: "'wi[ng]-&d" instead of "'wi[ng]d."

I prefer to be a dreamer among the humblest, with visions to be realized, than lord among those without dreams and desires. -Khalil Gibran

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-02-22

Posts 9353
Michigan, USA

1 posted 2007-07-10 12:34 PM

Outstanding!!

Drauntz
Member Elite

since 2007-03-16

Posts 2905
Los Angeles California

2 posted 2007-07-10 01:08 PM

beautiful!!!!!!

Robert Jordan
Member

since 2007-02-07

Posts 392
Philadelphia Pa USA

3 posted 2007-07-10 01:32 PM

JLHunter,

This is almost there. The only line that doesn't work is:

"chilling and congealing"

Bobby

JLHunter
Senior Member

since 2006-10-08

Posts 557
CA United States

4 posted 2007-07-10 05:37 PM

Thanks, TD.

I put a lot of work into this piece.

John

I prefer to be a dreamer among the humblest, with visions to be realized, than lord among those without dreams and desires. -Khalil Gibran

JLHunter
Senior Member

since 2006-10-08

Posts 557
CA United States

5 posted 2007-07-10 05:40 PM

Thanks, Drauntz.

I appreciate the kind comment.

John

I prefer to be a dreamer among the humblest, with visions to be realized, than lord among those without dreams and desires. -Khalil Gibran

JLHunter
Senior Member

since 2006-10-08

Posts 557
CA United States

6 posted 2007-07-10 05:42 PM

Hi, Bobby.

Thanks for the feedback. What didn't you like about that line, "chilling and congealing?" I do put a lot of thought into my work, but that doesn't mean that I am always right. I will look at it with a fresh eye.

Thanks again,

John

I prefer to be a dreamer among the humblest, with visions to be realized, than lord among those without dreams and desires. -Khalil Gibran

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