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icebox
Member Elite

since 2003-05-03

Posts 4383
in the shadows

0 posted 2007-05-31 10:22 PM

My dreams tonight stir stubbornly,
for no reason I can grasp
they grate and rasp against my soul
just enough
to keep sleep on the wakeful side of raw;
I don't mind looking at my own sins,
I know that I will pay for them
within the folds of time,
I am most days responsible
in the haunts and habits of my life,
though every day
in every minute
of every hour
I yearn for deep sedation,
I turn away most times to carry on
finding or imagining a reason.

A wife once reprimanded me for living
without guilt,
she had missed the point completely of living
in acceptance of the past;
it is no wonder to me now
that the marriage couldn't last.

No,
when this body dies
and frees the force of life it keeps chained within,
it is my own eyes within which I must be judged
and the connected force of my own soul
with whom I must stand
to show I've learned and know the lines
of right and wrong
before I am released to try again.

Some nights it is the memories,
the faces in the shadows,
the screams within the lilting threads of wind
that make my bed a wretched place,
that push me out to sit
and stare into the darkness;
in those unyielding times,
though I need the sleep,
I know it is to keep my mind from wandering
into the accidents of carelessness
that lurk within forgetting.

It is within this clarity of vision
that I hate seeing the twist in lies we're told
by younger souls in search of greed and glory,
it is not enough when I am tired
to know they must answer to themselves
for their shallow waste of life;
though I lack no will
I have only memories of the life I've lived,
I am without the means to set things right.

©2007 by icebox

.

Honeybunch
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-12-29

Posts 7115
South Africa

1 posted 2007-06-01 02:36 AM

icebox - "I am without the means to set things right." What has been done, has been done and now all that remains is that you forgive yourself. A deep and touching write that has moved my tears to light but I can still hear the birds even if I can't see them. Take care!

aziza
Member Elite

since 2006-07-09

Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!

2 posted 2007-06-01 11:14 AM

Icebox

I read your words and often come back to read them again. Anything I write in response ends up sounding trite to me. So, I'll leave you with this --

I read.

Alison

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

3 posted 2007-06-01 04:25 PM

I don't think that this particular variety of grape comes in the box, on special at Rite Aid.

(yes, folks, here in New Orleans, we can buy booze at the drug stores--we just can't check the stuff out at the prescription counter. *sniff* We do have some limitations! *laughing*)

But C? You continue to top yourself--I've always said you were among the best here, and the best keeps getting better.

I've been a fan, and sometimes stalker of yours since the first time I read you.

latearrival
Member Ascendant

since 2003-03-21

Posts 5499
Florida

4 posted 2007-06-01 05:29 PM

Icebox, so tortured. I have read this three times now in the past two days. You have to find a means of forgiving self. All that is past history and can not now be rewritten. I also know these words are trite....but you need to go on with what you have learned and continue teaching by writing as only you can do. sincerely martyjo

icebox
Member Elite

since 2003-05-03

Posts 4383
in the shadows

5 posted 2007-06-01 09:01 PM

I appreciate the time it takes to read and to share your thoughtful comments. Thank all for your efforts and kindness.

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