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The Core Of My Being
| Open Poetry #40 |
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The Core Of My Being |
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Lisann Member
since 2001-01-31
Posts 350 |
The Core OF My Being It has been 6 months since we've separated Feels more like an eternity. As if my core has been ripped out of my body And then discarded. You were the best part of who I am, With you~ I am whole. Complete. Without you~ I am but a mere fraction Of what I was created as. If I were to describe myself as anything, it would be An APPLE. On the outside~ I am bright, Shiny, Appealing. Many passerbys see me But not one dare pick me up. Maybe, I'm not appealing enough. I wait patiently for someone hungry enough To take me in. As a whole, I can stay ripe for a long time. It isn't until a piece of me is removed That I begin to rot. Each day, I do my best to shine my exterior. Feverishly trying to improve my appearnce To gain someone's attention. Someone's hunger. Still, no one is interested. Until you came along~~~ You walk on by, See me, And roughly snap me up. Full of hunger, Full of need. Full of desire to fullfill that need. You rub the apple on your shirt to shine it a little more. You pick up a knife, And expertly cut out the center. Making a perfect incision. So perfect in fact, That if you picked up the core And slid it back inside, It would be a perfect fit. With no evidence of removal In the first place. No cracks, No cuts, Absolute perfect fit. You toss the core in the garbage And take a few bites of the apple. With each bite you take, You are fulfilling your hunger need Making the apple a part of you. Someone walks by and catches your attention. You take another bite, And place the apple safely on the table. Knowing, The apple will remain safely where you left it. No one would want a used apple. Time goes by, And you forget all about it. Leaving it on the table, Awaiting your return. Many people pass by and look But no one picks it up. As time goes by, And the center is exposed without its core, It begins to turn brown~~~rotting. When you pass by later, You had forgotten your hunger, your need, so thereby, completely forgetting it's existence. The rotten apple begins to produce A very foul aroma. Repulsive, To all that pass by. By the time you remember it, IT had turned so rotten and so foul, It was almost unrecognizeable. You pick it up And are disgusted with yourself For once believing it was appealing. You toss it in the garbage and walk away. The apple remains at the bottom of the pail For several days, While other garbage gets poured on top of it. Emitting the most foul odour of all. The rotting shell, Combined with all the other garbage Is so repulsive, It literally makes you sick to your stomach. The apple, Still waiting patiently for your return. Looking forward, To satisfying your needs once again. But, To no avail, You did not return. When you did, IT was too late. The apple had rotted through And lost all of its appeal. Making it, Unedible, Unattractive, Unwanted, Unsatisfying, Undesireable. It gave in to decay, And died. I am that apple. And YOU are my core. Without you inside, I am nothing, I wither, And I die. [This message has been edited by Lisann (04-29-2007 03:55 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2007 Lisann - All Rights Reserved | |||
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carter07 Junior Member
since 2007-04-26
Posts 31 |
I really liked your analogy. I would cut out the beginning that talks about the two of you separating and cut right to "if I were to describe myself as anything it would be an apple" Everything after that makes the reader understand you're coming out of a relationship so the intro is unnecessary. Its a little lengthy but very well written and you definitely get your point across. Overrall I enjoyed it. Hope to read more! |
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Lisann Member
since 2001-01-31
Posts 350 |
thanks for the advice, will do. |
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