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Love Tanka Challenge
| Open Poetry #40 |
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Love Tanka Challenge |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan 
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. Ah young cardinal Flying tree to leafless tree You tender the heart Immersed in a her long past Crossing an old squirrel’s eye . |
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| © Copyright 2007 John Pawlik - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Robert Jordan Member
since 2007-02-07
Posts 392Philadelphia Pa USA |
Huan Yi, You have the spirit of a Tanka in this poem. The last line however, lacks a syllable. How do you pronounce “squirrel”? It’s a pleasant read. Bobby |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan |
Bobby I count "squirrel’s" as two, though it might be better considered one and a half, certainly not one alone John |
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Drauntz Member Elite
since 2007-03-16
Posts 2905Los Angeles California |
it is truly a beautiful one. What kind of tender heart can charm a young cardinal singing and cross an old squirrel’s eyes? with true love only! enjoyed with great happiness!!! |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
John, I enjoyed the squirrel love imagery, but found line 4 awkward. |
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secondhanddreampoet Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394a 'Universalist' ! |
most fine response to the 'love tanka' challenge! If I may ever-most-humbly express a small concern... it would be with just the middle of the 4th line?!... Applause! |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan |
. All, Think of it as a translation . . . It only took a few seconds No biggie John . |
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Startime55 Member Elite
since 2003-04-05
Posts 2148Alberta, Canada |
A joy to read...this poem brought a smile to my face...the vision was delightful...*Big Hugs* |
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