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Open Poetry #40

Salacious Glances

jak
Member

since 2007-03-14

Posts 85
Charlotte, NC

0 posted 2007-03-28 11:44 AM

Painted hips creep over blue jean rips, her bravado a touch undercover
Subtle sips of such stoic lips, no one knows, but we are already lovers

Jak
Argonaut - My Poetry Blog

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

1 posted 2007-03-28 12:13 PM

Mmm Mmmm...now this is different for you jak.
And I like it..a lot!
Which one of you was giving the lewd glances?

I think I would have broken the lines up here
and let them trail down the page,
but that's just me.
And I am stubborn too.

Love the feeling this one evokes.
Most certainly softly sensual.
So much can be said in few words.
Much enjoyed.
Nancy~

For it was not into my ear you whispered
But into my heart..
It was not my lips you kissed
But my soul.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

2 posted 2007-03-28 12:21 PM

wow!

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

3 posted 2007-03-28 11:13 PM

ok, stubborn jak
It's a short fun write, but I'm with Nancy on this; it would look better split into 4 lines.

TinaTrivett
Senior Member

since 2006-07-15

Posts 569

4 posted 2007-03-29 10:57 AM

I have absolutely loved everything I've read of yours. This one is very sensual & smooth. Nice.

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