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Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

0 posted 2007-06-27 09:35 AM

run a little further,
maybe you will reach me in time,
then cut a little deeper,
as you read out every line.

strange as though it is,
your my angel and my demon.
you are my heaven and my hell.
you are every breath i breathe in,
your every scream i may yell.

i can not live without you,
but i cant stand you at my side,
your every single mistake i make,
yet i cant cover up your shine.

i love you and i hate you,
and maybe were a bit cliche'
we were once so close,
and now were struggling for our space.

im not saying you were wrong,
im not saying i am right,
im saying were not perfect,
but we still have our shine.

I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty.
-Edgar Allan Poe-

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2007-06-27 10:12 AM

your critique message says to not tell you anything you don't want to hear. I don't know what that would be! LOL I am not trying to be rude, just tell you that the way you spelled 'you're' (you spelled it your) is distracting. But beyond that, this was a good write

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

2 posted 2007-06-27 12:19 PM

my guy friend totally feels this way about a girl, would you mind if i showed him your poem? it may just make him feel a little better. thanks again for your wonderful stuff.

and if i had to choose between the whole world and you- there would be no competition

-Amanda Ann (my best friend)

Alaina
Member

since 2007-06-16

Posts 106