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| Teen Poetry #8 |
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Derek Junior Member
since 2007-10-20
Posts 38New Hampshire, USA |
I dont know if I like this one yet, but it does need a little work and I know that the last stanza needs the most work, but I thought I'd post it to hear your thoughts and suggestions. "I sit here before this view, wondering what life is about. I wish I knew what to do, so I wouldn't feel any doubt. I gaze the blue sky above, as the wind whistles in my ear. Thinking why this life has love, when it only sheds a tear. Life is not what it's ment to be. the cruel world, which it is to me. Why is it so hard to love? When our God is just above. My loving heart's been cut, as you slammed the thick door shut. I will always remember your beautiful face, but that is one thing I will just not chase." |
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| © Copyright 2008 Derek - All Rights Reserved | |||
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fromme2U Member
since 2007-11-09
Posts 257 |
Done from the heart by a true poet. I love your poems! |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
it's great, "Life is not what it's ment to be. the cruel world, which it is to me. Why is it so hard to love? When our God is just above." meant. You spelled that wrong. That would be my only suggestion.  it touches the heart, cause we can all relate to the emotion felt here. |
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Derek Junior Member
since 2007-10-20
Posts 38New Hampshire, USA |
thanks, I guess I under estimated this poem |
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RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed Senior Member
since 2007-06-11
Posts 1062In Love <3 |
beautiful. beautiful, i also, am a fan of changing structure in the middle of the poem. it makes it a little different, and it worked for you here. very nice. -Kate and in the daylight i miss the nightmare- but deathly fear it in the dark of night |
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