Child abuse (poem about being against it)

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Derek
Junior Member

since 2007-10-20

Posts 38
New Hampshire, USA

0 posted 2007-12-16 10:08 PM

I love children, and I cant stand to hear that there are some people in this world that beat their children and feel nothing about it. I wrote this poem in the point of view of a little girl.

"My name is Patty,
I'm only four.
The way I feel,
is always sore.

Battered and beaten,
I lay on the floor.
in hopes that daddy,
would stop this war.

When he strikes,
it hurts so much.
What’s on his mind,
is torture and such.

When daddy came home,
he began to shout.
A hit to the head,
the blood poured out.

The help I need,
is know where near.
Starting to bleed,
is my biggest fear.

That one last hit,
knocked me out.
Family love is,
all its about.

My life ended,
just like that.
I was only four,
it’s the end of the war."

[This message has been edited by Derek (12-17-2007 09:30 AM).]

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

1 posted 2007-12-16 10:18 PM

ohh wow Derek this hit me so hard it was so sad... wow this made me want to cry. Very lovely poem.
Krysti

Derek
Junior Member

since 2007-10-20

Posts 38
New Hampshire, USA

2 posted 2007-12-16 10:21 PM

thanks.

Also I dont have a title, so if you guys could help me that would be great.

[This message has been edited by Derek (12-17-2007 02:03 PM).]

wolf girl
Member

since 2007-12-03

Posts 150
washington, US

3 posted 2007-12-16 11:07 PM

i liked it. it really hit home.

rebelangelv
Senior Member

since 2007-05-28

Posts 538
usa

4 posted 2007-12-16 11:50 PM

wow....chilling. this was great tho

If i had to choose between you and breathing, id use my last breath to say "I love you"

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

5 posted 2007-12-17 07:49 PM

i've read so much of these things, i've been beaten before, and it is very scary. but enough to kill a four year old is something that brought overflowing tears to my eyes.

-Kate

"I have no other but a woman's reason:
I think him so, because I think him so."

Derek
Junior Member

since 2007-10-20

Posts 38
New Hampshire, USA

6 posted 2007-12-17 11:24 PM

I'm sorry kate, but I dont know if that was a comliment or not.

wisdomofthesword
Member

since 2007-12-17

Posts 224
the last place on earth

7 posted 2007-12-18 12:09 PM

this really hit home. nice work

fromme2U
Member

since 2007-11-09

Posts 257

8 posted 2007-12-18 01:30 PM

Derek this was very touching I love the way you can express yourself and transcend a sad poem to a very heart felt one. looking through the eyes of a four year old girl nice write.

*CaT*
Junior Member

since 2007-12-07

Posts 46
Oxford, England

9 posted 2007-12-18 02:55 PM

this poem shows such raw emotions. You have a really great talent. The way that you are able to put yourself in other peoples shoes really hit home.

sexykitten15
Junior Member

since 2007-07-22

Posts 34

10 posted 2007-12-18 04:28 PM

WOW!

Derek
Junior Member

since 2007-10-20

Posts 38
New Hampshire, USA

11 posted 2007-12-18 06:50 PM

thanks all

fromme2U
Member

since 2007-11-09

Posts 257

12 posted 2008-01-02 11:57 AM

Derek read "come inside & you will see" writen by me.

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

13 posted 2008-01-05 05:54 PM

i don't really know either, it touched me, and made me sad, it was beautifully written derek.

-Kate

and in the daylight i miss the nightmare- but deathly fear it in the dark of night

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