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Teen Poetry #8
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World of............
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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World of............ |
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Sweetpali08 Junior Member
since 2006-05-07
Posts 40 |
Ahh i haven't posted anything in a while.... So quick and soo messy. Just wanted to take things out. You may never know, how it feels like. To come back to such world. Where without suffering -beauty would never be found. And when you pretend - to have such world in your head filled with such beauty. You are to be waken up into the world of the impossible. "How are they the VICTIMS if they are the OCCUPIERS?!" |
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pen&paper Senior Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 513 |
This actually was really good. Just try maybe putting "awakened" in there instead of "waken up", it makes a little bit more sense. Good job. Pen. |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hi Sweetpali08, What a very thoughtful and enjoyable poem to read! I wasn't sure what this was about and I'm glad that I decided to open the page. One suggestion, if you will, this could use a little punctuation to polish the poem. You do not need a period after every line nor capital at the begining, even if it looks good... The line, "Where without suffering beauty would never be found", is wonderful. My favorite part in the poem would have to be that line. Thanks for sharing this poem, I enjoyed reading it and look forward to seeing what you post next  "The rising morning can't insure that we shall end the day; For death stands ready at the door to snatch our lives away" @-->--- |
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