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Teen Poetry #8
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What Happens now
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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What Happens now |
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secreteyes Junior Member
since 2005-12-20
Posts 13Wisconsin, United States |
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE PAST IS HAUNTING YOU AND YOU CAN'T ESCAPE IT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU JUST NEED A HUG AND THERE IS NO ONE THERE TO GIVE IT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SIT IN THE ROOM YOUR GIVIN AND RELIZE YOU ARE NOT THE VICTUM YOU ARE THE MURDERER WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU CAN'T FIND THAT ONE LOVE THAT YOU ALWAYS DREAMED FOR WHAT HAPPENS WHEN EVERY JOB YOU APPLY FOR TURNS YOU DOWN WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SEE THE HOPE THAT ONCE USED TO BE IN YOUR PARENTS EYES FOR YOU SLOWLY DWINDEL TO NOTHING WHAT HAPPENS IF YOUR TOLD YOU ARE SO SICK YOU MIGHT SOON DIE WHAT HAPPENS IF EVERY ONE REMINDES YOU OF HOW YOU LET EVERYONE DOWN WHAT HAPPENS IF EVERY TEAR YOU SHED IS NOT FOR YOU BUT FOR THE ONES YOU MIGHT LEAVE BEHIDE WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU LOSS ALL FAITH AND CAN'T FIND A WAY OUT OF THE DARKNESS AND THAT IS YOUR ONLY DREAM THEN WHAT WHAT HAPPENS THEN WHEN ALL IS GONE AND YOU ONLY REMEMBER THE WORDS THEY CALL YOU IN SECRET WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE GOOD WORDS ARE TO SILENT FOR YOU TO HEAR AFRAID THEY'LL NEVER BE SPOKEN AGIAN WHAT THEN YOU ONLY HOPE TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU AND TO MAKE THEM SMILE AND BE HAPPY BUT EVERY TIME YOU TRY YOU TURN UP BEING THE RUTE OF ALL THERE PROBLEMS I JUST DON'T GET IT CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT THEN ............. |
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pen&paper Senior Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 513 |
There seems to be a lot of frustarion thinly veiled beneath the words and phrases. Great write. Good job. Pen |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hi Secreteyes, You have asked for an honest opinion and here is mine, I hope you don't mind. First off I question your need for constant capitals. i find this to be distracting, and detracts from the words themselves and what good is a poem when the words have no meaning? Although, I admit, there's a time when capitals are needed, and this might be one of them, I have a friend who is part blind, she needs the capitals. This poem, very badly, needs punctuation, even the most basic period here and there would help keep the thoughts in the poem in some reasonable order, and make it easier to read. The questions in the poem are good questions and the emotions running around are wonderful, for the reader can sense them and it adds a lot to a poem when the reader feels what is going on. I think it would be interesting if you answered some of the questions asked, even if your honestly not sure on "what happens" you could say something like, Do you ... " but that's just a thought. Thanks for sharing your piece! I look forward to seeing what you come up with next  "The rising morning can't insure that we shall end the day; For death stands ready at the door to snatch our lives away" |
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