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buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

0 posted 2007-01-27 11:07 AM

Marisa --"Buttercupbaby"
January 27, 2007
“I’m not Ok”

I’m not ok when I try so hard to smile,
Or when I try to believably laugh,
I’m not becoming a senile,
But, inside in my brokenness, my heart is unbearably chaff.

I wasn’t ok when you walked away,
Or when, when you left, you said it’d be ok,
My mind began to falter, and became astray,
With thoughts of when you’d come back one day.

I’m not going to be ok because you’re never here,
My pain will last; you know it will, throughout all my years,
But you’ll look at me an see my smile, trust me I'm not as I appear,
Because when I’m alone in my room I’m swallowed up by tears.

I won’t be ok when I see you with her,
So don’t try and introduce us, it’ll only cause my sad and bitter anger,
When I see that she’s pretty, she’s nice, she’s sweet,
It’ll absolutely crumble my heart; you’ll see it stops to beat.

I’ll never be ok because it’s you I love,
I’ll never get over the ending of,
You and me and what we had, it was so wonderful,
And you know I’ll never let you go, I’m stuck in your love immortal.

I’m not ok because you’re gone forever,
I wasn’t fine from the very beginning, and I won’t be ever,
I won’t be ok because it’s always going to be you I miss,
I’ll never get over our first and last kiss.

nick_lyss
Member

since 2006-08-21

Posts 88

1 posted 2007-01-27 11:23 AM

this poem is really good.very good work. i hope very everything goes ok with u.

WaterFairy103
Member

since 2006-05-31

Posts 196

2 posted 2007-01-27 03:03 PM

Very good, but sad. Then again, that's kind of the point, isn't it? Anyway, it's really fantastic. The flow was a teensy bit off on a few parts, but it didn't distract me at all! Very good, i love it!

Dance like nobody's watching,
Love like you've never been hurt,
Sing like nobody's listening,
and Live like it's heaven on Earth.

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

3 posted 2007-01-29 11:29 AM

thanks for the replies guys!
and yes, i agree..the flow was DEFINETELY off in some places! i had a little bit of a hard time getting what i wanted to say to rhyme and make the flow work for me!
any suggestions???
-missy

poemqueen
Junior Member

since 2006-12-06

Posts 26

4 posted 2007-01-29 04:46 PM

very good

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

5 posted 2007-01-31 02:26 PM

in your love immortal.

Try
stuck loving you ,immortally

Not sure how to put the immortal in you could just take it out.

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

6 posted 2007-02-03 11:58 AM

thanks! I'll try that
..[im not sure if it'll let me edit it or not, but im going to try..i might just re-write the whole poem..]

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

7 posted 2007-02-03 12:01 PM

it won't let me edit, as i assumed, so i guess just know i changed it to

"I’ll never be ok because it’s you I love,
I’ll never get over the ending of,
You and me and what we had, it was created so wonderfully,
And you know I’ll never let you go, I’m stuck in your love, immortally."

~missy
My tears of love are a waste of time if I turn away..
my love is a waste of time
if you never stay

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