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Teen Poetry #8
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Secret in Silence
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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Secret in Silence |
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broken_smile1469 Member
since 2006-07-02
Posts 104
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Deep within my heart I know that it is true I am not the one who was meant to be with you How could you do this how could you lie All you ever did was tear me up inside Now I’m lost and alone thinking to myself Why did you do this why didn’t you change Like you had promised! I’ll keep my secret in silence Broken inside but I wont let you go The tears wont stop falling but I wont let it show I wont let you see the pain that I feel It makes me wonder if love is even real If love does not exist what do I feel For when I see you the butterflies are real But then again maybe its just a crush Something I have felt too much I can’t let go thinking you are mine When I know that you will be gone in time You wont stay with me no one ever does It makes me want to just give up Broken inside but I wont let you go The tears wont stop falling but I wont let it show I wont let you see the pain that I feel It makes me wonder if love Is even real I’ll keep my secret in silence I will hide my pain I wont let you see through the person I have became You think you know me but really you don’t Really you don’t know anything about me I pretend to be who you think I am Someday you will see This person is not me; |
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| © Copyright 2006 Miranda Nelson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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whitelielovely Member
since 2006-12-11
Posts 146Australia |
believe it or not but i'm alot like your character that is you, i hide myself untill someone can see through my veils. Stay strong mate! Whittney "Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
instead of I have became I became.. sounds better |
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broken_smile1469 Member
since 2006-07-02
Posts 104 |
thank's for the comments |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
awe don't give up... I liked this it had a great flow not too forced... hunnie  ~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~ |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
( ) =delete [ ]=add Deep within my heart I know that it's true I am not the one who was meant (to be) with you How could you do this how could you lie? All you ever did was tear me up inside Now I’m lost and alone thinking to myself Why did you do this? why didn’t you change? Like you had promised! I keep my secret in silence Broken inside, I won't let you go The tears don't stop falling but I don't let it show I won't let you see the pain I feel It makes me wonder if love is real If love does not exist, then what do I feel? For when I see you the butterflies are real But then again maybe its just a crush A feeling inside I have felt too much I can’t let go thinking you are mine When I know that you will be gone in time You wont stay with me no one ever does It makes me want to just give up (You threw off the rhyme scheme here alot, could you just not think of a rhyme or how come its thrown off? Try putting up a rhyme or taking both two lines out of rhyme scheme that will even it out.) Broken inside but I wont let you go The tears wont stop falling but I wont let it show I won't let you see the pain I feel It makes me wonder if love Is real I’ll keep my secret in silence, I will hide my pain I wont let you see *through the person I became* suggestion .. through the person under my name.. You think you know me but you really don’t Really know nothing about me I pretend to be who you think I am Someday you will soon see This person is not me; |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
( )=delete [ ]=add Deep within my heart I know that it is true I am not the one who was meant (to be with)[for} you How could you do this how could you lie* if you now know its not meant to be , how did they lie? All you ever did was tear me up inside Now I’m lost and alone thinking to myself Why did you do this why didn’t you change/ Like you had promised! I’ll keep my secret in silence (what is the secret) Broken inside but I wont let you go The tears wont stop falling but I wont let it show I wont let you see the pain that I feel It makes me wonder if love is even real (what does?) If love does not exist what do I feel For when I see you the butterflies are real But then again maybe its just a crush Something I have felt too much I can’t let go thinking you are mine When I know that you will be gone in time You wont stay with me no one ever does It makes me want to just give up (I thought you don't want to let go at all) Broken inside but I wont let you go The tears wont stop falling but I wont let it show I wont let you see the pain that I feel It makes me wonder if love Is even real I’ll keep my secret in silence I will hide my pain I wont let you see through the person I (have) became You think you know me but really you don’t Really you don’t know anything about me I pretend to be who you think I am Someday you will see This person is not me; Needs more substance, its too abstract. What happend? Show us. |
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