Raindrops - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

mnelson07
New Member

since 2007-01-15

Posts 7
Texas, USA

0 posted 2007-01-15 12:02 PM

I wrote this not long ago actually, I'd say about a month. At the point in time I was pondering how unique we all are and the point of life knowing the fate of death is around any corner at any given time. Personally I think some of the rhymes are forced so if you have any suggestions don't hold back, I appreciate critiques.

Raindrops

From the North the cold winds rush
To meet the Southern crush
Of heat and humid warm
Together form this storm

The storm progresses more
Little drops begin to form
One little drop is me
Preparing to fall to sea

As I begin my descent
Pondering circumvent
The fate of splashing below
Kismet is all I know

As I flow down slow
Above the cities below
I ponder where I will be
Swallowed in the sea

I started off unique
Predestination I now seek
To be encompassed with the rest
Conformity and it's zest

I once blended in
With drops pushed by wind
Now I'm lost within
The sea I've broken in

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

1 posted 2007-01-16 02:41 PM

Nice last stanza that was well written but the rest the rhymes were all mediocre at best. REally simple , they could use a little more

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

2 posted 2007-01-18 08:45 PM

i do think this is a great poem[like all of yours!]
but i also agree with rhia..the words you used to rhyme weren't exactly the best you could've chosen, you could've chosen other words to rhyme, there's SO many! this poem was a little juvenile for my taste i suppose..but still awesome job!

mnelson07
New Member

since 2007-01-15

Posts 7
Texas, USA

3 posted 2007-01-18 11:48 PM

Yeah, I concur with you guys/girls. I remember when I wrote this I was soooo low and it is obviously exemplified in the poem, but I think it also damaged my creativity. Oh well, we can't all make masterpieces all the time, heh. Of course, I hardly make any ever, so yeah :P

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.