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Teen Poetry #8
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For As Long As I Breath
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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For As Long As I Breath |
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Tempest Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247dont eat paint chips!!!! 
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raise your head, let me see you smile if you want, you can stay a while dont let go, just hold on to me because i wont let you go for as long as i breath sit down, sit down take it slow it must be hard this i know so dont let that smile fade dont let happyness just slip away dont give up, it will be okay dont forget the promise on a bullet i made now raise your head and smile i wish you would stay a while just dont let go hold onto me i said i wont let go as long as i breathe |
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| © Copyright 2006 Bryan Girton - All Rights Reserved | |||
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RevengeIsMine Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820Australia |
Hey Temp.. I love this its great made me smile.. and atm thats even hard for me to do.... |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Bryan~ I don't understand this line - 'dont forget the promise on a bullet i made' - could you enlighten me ? ~*Marge*~ ~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~ |
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Tempest Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247dont eat paint chips!!!! |
simply sounded ccol, so i added it |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
Wow Tempest this was amazing i just thought the flow was amazing and the content was awesome... very good. and you know your spelling kills me heehee ie. "happyness"  hunnie  A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~ |
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wwzwlmd8 Member
since 2006-09-23
Posts 96San Diego,CA |
I like this poem it was real and had feeling to it. |
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pen&paper Senior Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 513 |
l-o-v-e-d this! one of my favs by u. goin in my library. overcome by the dark flames of depression |
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Twain_Crusador23 New Member
since 2006-12-08
Posts 5 |
Please, this poem lacks any description. In real poetry you show rather than tell, and in this excuse for a poem I get no mental image what-so-ever. You dont use any similies or metaphors, and whats up with that bullet line? Never have any meaningless lines that seem to make no sense. Hopefully next time you can give me something worth reading. |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
Crusader, you are way out of line. I do not care if you are an amazing poet, you apparently know very little about poetry if you see no problem with that jerky reply. You could of said all that in way nicer terms!!! Temp, it does need more description and imagery though, sry. Twain crusades this is Teen poetry, some people write here to write or to show people their latest. |
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poemqueen Junior Member
since 2006-12-06
Posts 26 |
Tempest I love your poem But i didn't understand the bullet part |
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Clockwork_Orange Senior Member
since 2007-03-23
Posts 620Space Camp, IN |
YOUR ARE A LIVING GOD |
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surf_painter Member
since 2007-04-10
Posts 434Canada |
hmmm i'm not sure but this poem reminds me alot about a song i recently heard but i just can't remember the name of it hmm your poem was good though |
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shattered-smiles Member
since 2008-01-20
Posts 247inside the shadows |
This is amazing! I loved it and I was smiling all the way through reading it. Great job Tempest. |
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RevengeIsMine Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820Australia |
i remeber this.. god i think i even fell in love with tempest after this write.. he's always been my fav pip poet but c.o is just as inspiring.. loved this poem then n still love it now.. |
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fromme2U Member
since 2007-11-09
Posts 257 |
A real poet can grasp the whole concept of your poem...just read the comments and your proof is there. awsome job! |
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Clockwork_Orange Senior Member
since 2007-03-23
Posts 620Space Camp, IN |
its nice to see you pop up every once in a while Temp. |
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kissmexbaby6605 New Member
since 2008-01-23
Posts 8Georgia |
loved it! |
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