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pen&paper
Senior Member

since 2006-06-06

Posts 513

0 posted 2006-09-10 02:29 PM

They day is rolling by
I watch it quickly pass
I watch my heart shatter
Like a thin, clear sheet of glass

I am detesting my oppressors
As they crush my dreams and hopes
I am trying to stay strong
While through the dark I grope

They assume I have everything I need
I’m not sorry to disagree
I need a little time
To discover the only me

They hate my rhyming words
And the stories that the tell
I am forbidden to write,
Yet still I shall rebel

pencil&paper
Member

since 2006-09-09

Posts 76
asleep somewhere in my head

1 posted 2006-09-10 02:53 PM

as i said before love love love this poem it speaks to my rebellious side

"candles"
PS i kinda like "candles" plus i like scented candles, so that could be why

pencil&paper
Member

since 2006-09-09

Posts 76
asleep somewhere in my head

2 posted 2006-09-10 03:00 PM

sorry i forgot to say this before

in the first line is "they" supposed to be "the" and in the second line of the last stanza is the "the" supposed to be "they"as in "And the stories that they tell"

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

3 posted 2006-09-10 11:15 PM

"They hate my rhyming words
And the stories that the tell
I am forbidden to write,
Yet still I shall rebel"

I hope you're not talking about here a Pip. I personally love to read your writings and would never want you to stop writing!

~Alli~

Shaddow1
Junior Member

since 2006-09-04

Posts 41
Kingman Az, USA

4 posted 2006-09-11 12:38 PM

Again, not sure who it is aimed at but it remind's me of my mother. She hates my poetry and says it is no good. I think the only poem she every liked was "Rescue Me" and only because I got a letter saying poetry.com wanted to pblish it. >.< o well at leats people on this site apreciate my work :P Good job pen&paper!

Love is like a Rose; it always dies - Britney Miller

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

5 posted 2006-09-11 09:22 AM

"I am detesting my oppressors
As they crush my dreams and hopes
I am trying to stay strong
While through the dark I grope"

My favorite part of the poem would have to be this^^ The flow is excellent and the wording is complex but simple, if that makes sense? I think you did an amazing job with this poem.

Thanks for sharing!

"I pray thee, O God, that I
may be beautiful within."
–Socrates
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