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Shaddow1
Junior Member

since 2006-09-04

Posts 41
Kingman Az, USA

0 posted 2006-09-04 03:15 PM

Rescue Me

When I look in these window's of a soul in pain
The tears you cry fogging them up like rain
I see a small child in a young woman's body Rocking back and forth, saying "I've got nobody"
The feeling of love doesnt linger here
Yet she calls out but no one can hear
She sits there bleeding on her bed
She sits there with her sheets turning red
So much pain fills her heart
Yet people keep shredding it and ripping it apart
All she wants is to be understood
But no one will understand if they could
I look into her eyes, the windows to her soul
I see so many spaces she'll never be whole
She hears these repetitive whispers inside her head
"You should be dead"
"You should be dead"
She just keeps sitting there holding on to her sanity
Hoping she can still be a part in humanity
She sits there but no one can see
Aloud she whispers over and over
"Rescue Me".

Love is like a Rose; it always dies - Britney Miller

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

1 posted 2006-09-04 04:04 PM

Hi Shaddow1,

Welcome to piptalk! I hope your enjoying the site as much as I know I have and I hope you will continue to post more poems like this one!

I loved this poem a lot; one because you said the windows of a soul were her eyes, I love that saying, and two because of the strong ending!

"Aloud she whispers over and over
"Rescue Me"."

My favorite part in the whole poem! It's sooo sad to read, yet, it was a wonderful ending.

Thanks so much for sharing!

"I pray thee, O God, that I
may be beautiful within."
–Socrates
@-->---

mgoodman1989
Member

since 2006-03-05

Posts 93
Iowa, USA

2 posted 2006-09-04 05:42 PM

A.M.A.Z.I.N.G

This poem was sad, and at the same time, very magical. I really really liked this one... and I'd have to agree with Stargal on everything she noted on.

Keep posting, this is a great site, one big happy family. We'll tell you the truth, in a way that you can grow on. And I promise... we'll never say "You suck" Lol, very friendly site....

Much love,
Michelle

*I love him oh yes I do, he's for me and not for you, and if by chance you take my place, I'll take my fist and smash your face!*

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

3 posted 2006-09-04 07:02 PM

Wow Britney! Just anmazing poem you've written here! I'm just so speechless, so I'm just going to have to agree with everything the two people above me have said.

Can't wait to read more from you!

~Alli~

Shaddow1
Junior Member

since 2006-09-04

Posts 41
Kingman Az, USA

4 posted 2006-09-04 08:52 PM

Thank you guy's so much. All of my poems I have written are about event's I actually went through and how I felt. All of my poetry is actually based on my life. And yes I am really glad I found this site. I have already read quite a few poems and have posted comments to a lot to. If you want to reead more, I also posted in the critical analysis #2 forum as well but that poem is about my son. Again thank you for the feed back

Love is like a Rose; it always dies - Britney Miller

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

5 posted 2006-09-04 09:42 PM

WOW!!! I love this. It has a lot of emotions.. This is the first I've read of yours so..

WELCOME TO PIP!!

I hope you like it here. This was a great poem

Keep it up

<3 heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

6 posted 2006-09-04 09:48 PM

WOW!!! I love this. It has a lot of emotions.. This is the first I've read of yours so..

WELCOME TO PIP!!

I hope you like it here. This was a great poem

Keep it up

<3 heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

nostalgic*pride
Member

since 2006-08-23

Posts 122
NowhereVille

7 posted 2006-09-05 05:02 PM

EXCELENT!!!!!!!

No other words could possibly explain how wonderful this poem is. I LOVED IT!!!!!!

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

8 posted 2006-09-06 07:13 PM

wow i agree this was a good poem and i agree with stargal on the points she noted too... and WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!

hope to read more soon...
hunnie*

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

loveislove
Member

since 2006-06-25

Posts 59
USA

9 posted 2006-09-07 09:07 PM

it is a very good poem, it reminds me a little of a poem i once wrote, it seems very meaningful, like you put alot of thought into it. The only thing that i dont particularly like is where you tried to rhyme and it seems like you got stuck and used basically the same words. like body/nobody and here/hear. but ive read some of your other poetry, youre very good at it as far as i can tell, but dont try so hard to rhyme or else it'll just turn out kinda crappy.

then theres the moment of silence, the eye of the storm, when the whole world collapses, i want to be in your arms

Shaddow1
Junior Member

since 2006-09-04

Posts 41
Kingman Az, USA

10 posted 2006-09-08 12:29 PM

Hey loveislove, I am sorry it seems as if I tried too hard. In all honesty, I didn't try very hard at all. Unless I am in school I don't live to alter my poetry, other then the spelling cuz im realllly bad at it. All my poetry I just right, I don't think about what to write I just let it flow. I don't really think. I can actually write really long poems pretty fast. But anyway. I don't change my poetry because I feel it is more powerful if left the original way. I mean, it shows how you feel the best because it IS written down without much thought. Do you understand what I mean or did I just confuse you? lol.. did any one get what I just said o.O lol

Love is like a Rose; it always dies - Britney Miller

pen&paper
Senior Member

since 2006-06-06

Posts 513

11 posted 2006-09-10 02:38 PM

i wouldn't quite agree with loveislove.

After all,Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Emily Dickinson, and Edgar Allen Poe did the same thing

pencil&paper
Member

since 2006-09-09

Posts 76
asleep somewhere in my head

12 posted 2006-09-10 04:04 PM

i really really like this poem
i loved the last 2 lines the most but my favorite are

"She just keeps sitting there holding on to her sanity
Hoping she can still be a part in humanity
She sits there but no one can see
Aloud she whispers over and over
"Rescue Me"."

and i hope to see more poems by you

PS i'm knew too

Shaddow1
Junior Member

since 2006-09-04

Posts 41
Kingman Az, USA

13 posted 2006-09-11 12:15 PM

Thanks very much guys! Pen&paper it really means a lot to me that you are comparing me to E.G Poe. He is my idle. My friends make fun of me because I say im going to be the next "Poe" :P ty every one for your coments!

Love is like a Rose; it always dies - Britney Miller

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