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Gasken
Junior Member

since 2008-07-12

Posts 20
Cebu, Philippines

0 posted 2008-08-08 10:12 PM

                     CRY

     I saw you standing there hoping
     that he would arrive.
     Memorizing his face that made
     you felt so alive.
     Just when you thought of him, denying
     the word "goodbye".
     I smiled to you but deep inside.. I CRY!

     I saw you walking in the road
     that makes you tired.
     So fool enough to wait for a man
     that's on flight.
     Never thought that I'm just here
     willing to hold you tight.

     I cry in silent and I am tired.
     Tired of waiting that someday
     you'll be mine.
     But when can you realize that I'm
     just here.
     The one that would give you, give you,
     give you care.

     I saw you dressed so neat talking to me
     in discreet.
     Hiding my feelings that increase
     my heartbeat.
     Just when you found the man and waved
     to me "goodbye".
     I smiled to you but deep inside.. I CRY! :-(

[This message has been edited by Gasken (08-09-2008 10:38 AM).]

XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 891
Neverland

1 posted 2008-08-08 10:51 PM

Nice. The flow was a bit off in some places but i guess it doesn't really matter. Great poem.

{~~*~~}

"You are not loyal enough to eat my orange jelly beans....#}
{~Emily~}

BeyaK
Member

since 2008-08-07

Posts 126
Philippines

2 posted 2008-08-09 09:31 AM

a bit sad but i too have felt such pain back in the past...

~~*Kaye B.*~~

BeyaK
Member

since 2008-08-07

Posts 126
Philippines

3 posted 2008-08-09 09:33 AM

don't be sad though...

this one's a good one to read as well

~~*Kaye B.*~~

Gasken
Junior Member

since 2008-07-12

Posts 20
Cebu, Philippines

4 posted 2008-08-09 10:31 AM

Forever.broken and Beyak,

Thanks for the appreciation.. It's a great help for me in making more poems that can inspire and touch the lives of others. (--,)

Ken

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

5 posted 2008-08-11 03:33 AM

OMG! Ken this was just what i needed to read today.. ya noe just in one of those moods.. but I def. loved this poem it was sad anbd melencholy. althow i am sorry you had to go threw this all.. Krysti

Gasken
Junior Member

since 2008-07-12

Posts 20
Cebu, Philippines

6 posted 2008-08-11 04:26 AM

Thanx Hunnie Girl for the appreciation.. Actually, i made this poem because our teacher in Literature 2 assigned us to make one. She asked us to make a Sad Poem.. And this one was chosen to be one of the best poem in the class.. Hehe.. But I'm not sad and broken-hearted.. It's just because of the subject.. And i thank my teacher for the opportunity she had given to me for it enhanced my skill in making such poem.. And of course, thanks also to you for reading my poem..
Gasken

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

7 posted 2008-08-11 03:10 PM

ahh well that is good then.. good topic to write on... (I think)
Krysti

lilshortcake
Junior Member

since 2008-08-11

Posts 10
No Comment

8 posted 2008-08-11 08:05 PM

On line four in stanza 1 did you mean to say felt or feel? Was it a new sentence or a connected one from line three? These are just some questions I was wondering but I really liked your poem. Keep writing

from- the newbe Tammy

Talent is like food! You shouldn't waste it.

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

9 posted 2008-08-17 10:56 AM

It was a little akward, but I found that I liked it, maybe b/c it was kinda akward, it gives it charm. Like a studdering heartbroken guy. I'm very taken with it. I like this piece alot. Library.

-Kate

"Lucy: I think you are the most selfish person on the planet. George: Well that's just silly. Have you met everyone on the planet?"

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

10 posted 2008-08-17 10:58 AM

uhhh In my excitement, I forgot to add it . . . I feel the fool . . .

-Kate

"Lucy: I think you are the most selfish person on the planet. George: Well that's just silly. Have you met everyone on the planet?"

Gasken
Junior Member

since 2008-07-12

Posts 20
Cebu, Philippines

11 posted 2008-08-17 10:09 PM

Thanx Renaissance.. Hope i can make another poem. But a poem that is a happy to read. Hehe..

And.. I'm also planning to make a poem or a song to the girl that I loved the most. Maybe you can help me? Hehe.. U can suggest to me a title for a poem or song..

I just want her to be happy without expecting a happiness from her in return.. But it's ok with me.. As long as i can see her sweet smile.. After all, love is unconditional, right?

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

12 posted 2008-08-18 11:16 AM

Alright when and how do we begin? I shall start by suggesting a pretty wording of something you've already said yourself. "If but to make You Smile" or "Only for Your Happieness" something like that, so that the title is very personal to her.

-Kate

"Lucy: I think you are the most selfish person on the planet. George: Well that's just silly. Have you met everyone on the planet?"

Earl Robertson
Senior Member

since 2008-01-21

Posts 753
BC, Canada

13 posted 2008-08-18 09:35 PM

Gasken, I do not believe I have seen you before so please accept my belated Welcome!

I agree with Kate, the flow was slightly off but in a good way.

It seemed honest in a way and I truly enjoyed it.

ps Library

Be who you are
And say what you feel
'Cause those who mind don't matter
And those who matter don't mind
-Dr Suess

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