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Teen Poetry #8

You Eat Me Inside

Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

0 posted 2008-06-08 11:35 PM

staring through these stained red eyes
this world is black and grey
as this movie of my life plays out
hope fades with every day

and there is
no beauty or hue
nothing colorful
and nothing new

and your the one thats the source of this
your the one that took my bliss
just because you know it hurts

stand still as this moment passes by
take a breath and then choose your side
i think its time you made up your mind
you eat me inside

Kahlan
New Member

since 2008-06-08

Posts 8
Bakersfield

1 posted 2008-06-09 01:16 AM

yet another good peom fron you! i love your work

Most people know me,
But of which part do they know?

The Shadow in Blue
Member

since 2006-05-18

Posts 493
EL, Michigan

2 posted 2008-06-09 07:30 PM

Very somber and emotional piece Mr. Clockwork. I can empathize with these sentiments.

I liked the first stanzas' flow and sound, but I found the transition to the last stanza a little off. Maybe it's just me. Otherwise, a well written piece.

Hope your world is in color now. If you need to talk just email me.

Jill

JNS

"I celebrate myself, and sing myself,
And what I assume you shall assume,
For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you."-WW

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