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masksrlife
Member

since 2008-03-26

Posts 109
Canada

0 posted 2008-03-26 07:40 PM

The endless road
only full of hurt and tear's,
pain and depresion.
The thought running over
and over in my head.

Is time really worth this?
Am I really worth this,
this pain that never goes
away that always stays
the same, that love its
self can't defeat.

It has taken over and moves
me like pupet.
Ready for it to happen
ready for that relefe pill
to relaze and compfort me,
when will it happen when
will my life take that
you-turn I have been longing f
or its now, or never.

[This message has been edited by masksrlife (03-28-2008 06:51 PM).]

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

1 posted 2008-03-27 03:51 AM

great poem and Welcome tp Passions

hope you like it here

what I would suggest for your poetry is making it into a structure instead of prose.

like this:

(T?)he endless road
only full of hurt and tear's,
pain and depresion.

The thought(,) running over and over in my head(.)
(I)s time really worth this?
Am I really worth this(?)

(T)his pain that never goes away
that always stays the same,
that love its self can't defeat.

It has tooken(taken) over(,)
and(remove and) moves me like (a) pup(p)et.
Ready for it to happen(,)
ready for that relefe(relief) pill to relaze (relax??) and compfort (comfort) me,

when will it happen(?)
when will my life take that you-turn(U-Turn(?))
I have been longing for(?)
(I)ts now, or never.

Still I really loved this.. Just something about the words really captured me

i dont ask that you take my ideas by any means if you dont want to. Its only a suggestion. Hope to read more soon

Welcome Again

Krysti

hiddensmiles
Senior Member

since 2008-02-07

Posts 514
at the beach... i wish

2 posted 2008-03-27 11:32 PM

great write!!

masksrlife
Member

since 2008-03-26

Posts 109
Canada

3 posted 2008-03-28 06:49 PM

yeah, this poem was just a rush poem lol im changing it now. Thanx

hiddensmiles
Senior Member

since 2008-02-07

Posts 514
at the beach... i wish

4 posted 2008-05-24 05:07 AM

still great though

JJ

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