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Teen Poetry #8
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This Time
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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This Time |
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pen&paper Senior Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 513
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I know you're her boyfriend I know she's my best friend But if these little looks mean something, Then I never want them to end She's so distant towards you... I would never be that way I feel so safe around you But everyday it's the same We seem to catch each others'glance Then quickly look away... I just want to be around you... But I shouldn't feel that way. I want to feel this way about you, But I know it isn't right Should I follow my head? Or would my heart be better this time? |
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| © Copyright 2006 Cierra L. Robbeloth - All Rights Reserved | |||
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pip_man Member
since 2006-07-15
Posts 70Canada |
Great write! I thought that this poem had great flow to it. I also thought it was very easy to read. Hope to see more! "When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace." |
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Xeonox
since 2000-04-01
Posts 1764CA, USA |
Good write on a topic of morality. Choose wisely and don't look back. I speak insanity. I write fantasy. I sleep reality. |
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tapper798 Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 353My own world |
But I shouldn't feel that way. I want to feel this way about you, But I know it isn't right The only critique I have is the last line in this stanza and the first one in the next. I didn't like how you used feel twice, and how you said you shouldn't feel this way, then 2 lines later, said you wanted to feel this way but it wasn't right. It was sort of redundant. Maybe you could change it to something like "my heart's telling me to stay, to not listen to my mind," or something that would rhyme better with time. I really liked how you tied it together though and the whole concept is very well put together. Keep it up! AIM-beatufu1tragidy Tell me what you think about being open, about being honest with yourself. |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
very much enjoyed... the flow was good. i hope you make the right decision and you don't regret your choice. hunnie*  A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~ |
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PoetrySinger Member
since 2006-10-16
Posts 54 |
thinks like this do happen and if its happen to u I'm sorry other then that your poem spoke form the heart and had great form but not a crowed pleaser keep working on it you'll gwet there |
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buttercupbaby Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400outside in the rain |
hm...i can honestly say, listen to your heart. DO NOT try and take him from your best friend! it wouldn't be nice at all! my best friend did it to me--and i know how much it hurts. even though she might not care about him, as much as you think you do, your mind is playing tricks on yoU! trust me, im sure you know that though, i can tell by this write you've probably made up your mind already. I hope you have! but anyway, this was a great poem! easy easy to read, and simple words![which is great for me, btw..lol] hope to read more from you! ~missy |
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pen&paper Senior Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 513 |
Thanks, guys! |
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